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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
BARLOW
“Are you okay?” Ritabreaks the silence between us as we make our way out of class.
“What?” I adjust the bag on my shoulder, trying to wipe whatever it is she must have seen on my face from existence. “Me?”
“You seem off.”
“I do?” I question like it’s the most ludicrous thing I’ve heard today.
It’s Friday, and the first time I’m seeing Rita since the Halloween party last weekend. I skipped class the first half of the week, my concentration shot, and truth be told, if I felt like I could have afforded to skip today, I would have.
I haven’t seen Atlas. He wasn’t in English yesterday and it seems that the two of us are playing the same game – avoidance at all cost. Either he’s asleep or not home when I wake up and I haven’t seen him a single evening that I’ve been home, though I’ve tried, and failed, not to think the worst. The worst being, he’s out with other girls.
So, needless to say, I’ve done my best to be home as little as possible.
I’ve spent so much time at the library these past few days that I’m pretty sure some of the staff is wondering if I’ve moved in. If I thought I could get away with it, I probably would have stashed some blankets somewhere and hid in the bathroom until everyone was gone for the night, just to avoid having to step foot in the apartment. Because it’s not just Atlas I’m hiding from, but Brennon as well.
Maybe it’s because I know he’ll take one look at me and know the absolute anguish I’m in. Or maybe it’s because I know if he asks if something is wrong, I’ll break down and tell him everything. Clearly, if Rita can tell, then it is written all over my face. So, in an effort to keep myself from spilling everything to my brother, I’m avoiding him as well.
“I know I haven’t known you very long but I don’t think I’ve ever heard you this quiet,” she says almost apologetically.
“Just tired I guess.” I give a half-assed excuse. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”
“You sure that’s it?” I feel her eyes on me so I keep my face forward as we push our way out onto the grounds.
It’s chilly today. Chillier than it’s been thus far, but oddly I find the cold calming. Like a balm to the fire burning my chest up from the inside out.
“Yeah.” My steps falter when I catch sight of Atlas heading our way from the parking lot.
My stomach twists and tears instantly prick the backs of my eyes.
I briefly wonder what he’s doing here, given that he doesn’t have classes on Friday, but then remembering that he hasn’t been in class all week I figure he’s probably picking up assignments or something, though he could probably do all that electronically. I push away the other possibility that he’s here to meet up with someone.
He doesn’t look up. Doesn’t once look our way as he brushes past us, his head down. The hole in my stomach grows substantially. I wish he would just look at me. Maybe then I could tell if he misses me even a fraction of how much I miss him. Though something tells me I’d only be disappointed by what I found.
“Okay, now I know you’re lying.” Rita waits until Atlas disappears into the same building we just came out of before speaking. Not sure how I could even begin to respond, I abruptly start walking again. “Barlow.” She quickens her strides to match my pace.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I finally say, wishing I sounded even remotely believable.
Trust me, I’d love to open up and tell Rita everything. Honestly, it would probably help me to get it off my chest. But she’s dating my brother and I don’t want to put her in the position to have to lie to him. That’s not fair to her.
The closest I’ve come to discussing any of this was two nights ago, on the phone with my mom. The second I heard her voice I burst into tears. Of course, I lied and said I was overwhelmed with school and that I was homesick. Not entirely untrue but certainly not the reason for my abrupt meltdown.
“Did something happen with Atlas?” She doesn’t let my denial deter her.
“What?” I stop when we reach the end of the sidewalk where I typically go left and Rita goes right. “Of course not.” I shake my head, finally braving a look in her direction. I expect to see judgement or even irritation due to my inability to lie successfully, but what I see instead is even worse – sympathy. “Why would you ask me that?” I swallow hard.
“Listen.” She reaches out and grabs my hand, giving my fingers a squeeze as she tugs me toward a nearby bench, forcing me to sit. “I know it’s weird because I’m dating Brennon but that doesn’t mean I’m not your friend. You can talk to me.” She angles herself toward me, her hand still wrapped around mine.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I force out, emotion growing thick in my words.
Why does she have to push?
Why can’t she accept my lies and let me walk away?
“Barlow.” She lets out a slow breath. “I know there’s something going on between you and Atlas.”
