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“It happens a lot in my line of work. Eventually you become numb to it. It’s almost as routine as brushing your teeth.”
“Brushing your teeth won’t kill you.”
“I don’t know, theoretically maybe it could.”
“Stop. Be serious.”
“I am being serious.”He’s most definitelynotbeing serious.
“You weren’t even a little scared?”
“Not in the moment, no. Like I said, it happened so fast. Afterwards though, seeing Niko, it rattled me a little because for the first time I realized that itcouldhappen to me.”
“What could?”
“Death.”
“Death comes for us all. It’s not a matter of if, but when.”
“Obviously, I know that.” I can’t see him but based on his tone it sounded like he was rolling his eyes at me. “I just meant, I’ve never really thought about dying or considered what would happen if I did.”
“And tonight you did?”
“Yeah.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Because of you.”
“Now I know you’re messing with me.”
“I’m serious, little bird. I had this moment, a flash, and you popped into my head. For the first time I was worried about what would happen to someone else if I didn’t return alive.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I were killed tonight, if Herrera had been successful, my men would have retaliated. And where do you think the first place they would go to find that?”
“To me.” I swallow hard.
“Exactly. So it wasn’t just my life anymore. It was also yours.” We both fall silent for a long moment, because truthfully, I don’t know how to respond to that.
If I was only his enemy’s daughter, if I were just a pawn in a game, why would he care what would happen to me if he hadn’t come back?
That has to mean something, right?
My stomach feels like it’s about to take flight.
“I dragged you into this mess. I don’t want to be the reason you never walk away from it.”
“Well, lucky for us both, you didn’t die.”
Silence reclaims the space between us.
I want to ask him what it all means. The fact that he thought of me. Does it mean he cares about me? Or is it because he feels responsible for me? Because those are two very different things.
I do my best to relax, letting the tension seep from my shoulders as I settle deeper into the mattress. I don’t speak again and neither does Mateo, both lost to our own thoughts.
Eventually I drift off to sleep... And when I do, I dream of the color red, only this time it’s not Niko bleeding out on the table, it’s me.
