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“This is so exciting,” she squeals. “I can get started this evening, unless you need me.”
“No, that’s perfect. I have a feeling I’ll need something for my nerves if I have to sit through another awkward meal anyway.”
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
Irissa
After nearly an hour of trying to coax myself downstairs to the dining hall, I finally convince Lizette to fetch lunch and bring it to my room.
“Tell them I’m not feeling well,” I say. “I have a headache or I’m throwing up. Literally anything. I just can’t face them all again right now.”
Concern is prevalent on her face, but she doesn’t argue. “Okay, but you can’t keep avoiding him forever. You’re going to have to talk to him soon.”
“I know.” I sigh, unwelcome thoughts of Nor slipping past the mental block I keep putting up. It doesn’t seem to matter how hard I try not to think about him; the thoughts return to taunt me, which is another reason I can’t show my face right now. How embarrassing would it be for me to chance a thousand glances in his direction when he refuses to look my way? They’re all going to think I’m undesirable. “Trust me, I know. Everything is just piling up, and I need to give myself a breather. Is that wrong of me?”
She shakes her head firmly. “I don’t think it’s wrong at all. You’ve been through a lot, and I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. If you were coping just fine, I’d be a little worried.”
I offer her a grateful half-smile before she steps out of the room and closes the door behind her. I hope no one gives her a hard time about my absence. I’m still critically oblivious to most of the customs and expectations here, and even though Zen was missing at breakfast, something tells me I won’t receive the same treatment for casually skipping mealtimes.
Then again, I might be severely overthinking things. There’s a chance no one would even care if I didn’t eat with them. It’s another unanswered question added to the list that grows by the hour. If Nor ever comes around, I’ll have to remember to ask him.
“Damn it, Irissa,” I hiss under my breath. I scold myself for thinking about him, yet again, when I’ve tried so hard to keep thoughts at bay.
The minutes drag by as I wait for Lizette to return, my stomach growling in protest. I slip off to the bathroom to wash my hands and freshen up my minimal makeup, desperate for something to pass the time. I smooth down a few rebel hairs and stare at my reflection, studying my familiar features.
My face might look the same as when I left my kingdom, but I’m different on the inside. I’m not the same girl who stormed into the throne room yelling and screaming and making a scene. I’ve gone from hating an entire kingdom to realizing most of its people aren’t so bad. There are a few bad apples, but everyone else has been lovely. Instead of being paralyzed with fear over my uncertain destiny, I’ve grown confident in my ability to make a difference. Even in such a short amount of time, I can see the difference. A new Irissa, a stranger, is emerging, and I can’t help but wonder who she’ll be in a week, a month, a year.
Will I really be here that long?
Nor doesn’t seem to know when, or he didn’t give me any inclination as to when, the crown might be passed down to him, so there’s no way of knowing. From experience, I know just how abruptly plans can change, but I also know that some decisions take years to fulfill. I’m committed, and I’ll see this through to the end, but I’m having trouble imagining myself here for the rest of my life now that our truce has been made. The promise of returning home has given me both hope and haste.
I need to get to work soon, and like Liz said, that means I have to talk to Nor, whether he wants to or not. I groan, irritated that all my thoughts seem to find their way back to him and his overly inflated ego.
The sooner I get out of here, the better.
Lizette returns just when I’m starting to get worried, a silver tray with a lid held expertly on one shoulder as she opens the door and steps inside.
“About time,” I joke, gesturing to the side table I positioned next to the lounge sofa. “I was beginning to think you’d gotten lost.”
“I did.” She chuckles and carefully sets the platter down, stretching her shoulder in a circular motion. “Twice actually. Luckily, Oryx found me wandering and showed me to the kitchens.”
“Was Nor with him?” The question leaves my lips before I have time to register it, and I try to make it seem more nonchalant by lifting the lid of the tray and revealing our food. My mouth waters the second the aroma hits my nose.
“No,” she says. “I didn’t think to ask where he was, but I did ask about the library. He said he’ll show us tomorrow if we want to go.”
My ears perk up as I reach for a piece of chopped meat and toss it in my mouth. “Great. I know where I’ll spend every waking minute for the next few weeks, then.”
She nods enthusiastically. “I’ll be right there with you. I asked if he could show me today, but he said he’s headed out after lunch and won’t be back until tonight. He’s really sweet.”
“Nor says he’s a pain in the ass.” I snort a laugh and pop a round, green vegetable into my mouth.
“I brought utensils,” she says, grabbing a fork off the tray and stabbing it in my direction. I take it graciously.
“Fine,” I huff. “Manners it is.”
After lunch, Lizette returns the tray with our dishes to the kitchen before disappearing to her room to work on potions. Although I’m tempted to have her bring everything to my room so we can work together, I refrain from asking. As much as I need alone time, I know she does too, and she seems to be thriving under the lax servant rules here.
She has time to do things other than tend to me or work in the castle, and I want her to enjoy her freedom, so I spend my day alone in my room instead.
