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I failed.
I failed my kingdom, my family, and myself.
I’ve let everyone down.
I shouldn’t have waited so long to mention the attacks to Nor. I should have asked a long time ago that something be done about them, but I didn’t want to start making demands as soon as I got here. I wanted to earn their trust and strengthen our alliance. A part of me assumed they might simply stop after the wedding, but I realize how naïve I was to believe that. Everything has been a waste of time. Hyatt hangs in the balance, and there’s a good chance that it’s too late for anything to be done about it.
My chest shakes with a violent sob, and I clap a hand over my mouth to stifle the noise.
I’ve ruined everything, when my intention was only ever to do the opposite. How disappointed will my people be when they realize it? I’ve been fine and well enjoying my new life in another kingdom while they’ve been suffering, hurting, dying. They’ll never forgive me.
I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself.
I’m tempted to head back to my room where I can bury myself in my bed and cry myself to sleep. I want to weep for every lost life in Hyatt, for every mourning person that’s hurting because of my failure to act. I want to scream and throw things and succumb to the overwhelming tidal wave of emotions threatening to rip me apart.
But I know now is not the time.
As helpless as I feel, I know there are still people who need me. Lizette is waiting for me to return to the dungeon to relieve her, while Darsan and Sedric need my help to survive interrogation by King Rukkus and to be set free. I have to pull myself together for them, and when they no longer need me, then I can break apart.
When I’ve cried every tear I can muster, I wipe my face and head back to the dungeon.
Lizette is sitting against the stone wall when I return, her head leaned back and her eyes closed. When the guard pulls out his keys, she groggily opens her eyes at the noise and looks over.
“Welcome back,” she says, her lips quirking into a smirk. “How’d it go?”
The guard pulls open the door to let me in, and swiftly closes it behind me when I step inside like Darsan and Sedric will jump up at any second to make a run for it.
“Well,” I say, drawing out the word. Nor’s face and the pain in his eyes right before I stormed out of his room come to mind, and my chest clenches. “It could have gone better.”
She breathes a tiny sigh, and her smirk is quickly replaced with a frown. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“Nor said he’ll look into it–” I finish the thought internally.But I’m not sure there’s much he can do. I don’t have the heart to speak my worries because I can’t stomach the thought of her disappointment. “He said he’ll let me know what he finds out.”
She nods and pushes herself off the wall to stand, ignoring my attempt to help her.
“I’m fine,” she says, waving my hand away. “My butt’s just numb from sitting here.”
She stretches her arms over her head and wiggles her bottom half to get her blood circulating again.
“How are they doing?” I ask, glancing timidly to the two men lying on the floor. It doesn’t look like they’ve moved since I left.
“They’re fine,” she assures me, walking over to Sedric’s side and bending to press the back of her hand to his forehead. “Neither of them have gotten a fever. Darsan’s been talking in his sleep a little, but they’ve just been resting.”
My eyes land on Darsan’s face, and I study his familiar features. I can easily see that the right side of his face is swollen and discolored now that most of the blood has been cleaned off, and I imagine the rest of his body is just as beaten up and bruised. It’s hard seeing him like this.
“Why don’t you take a break?” I suggest to Lizette. “Take a walk or get some fresh air. It’s down right depressing in here.”
She looks at me skeptically. “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying.”
“I’ve got it.” I nod confidently and gesture toward the door with my eyes. “I promise.”
Even though she’s a little reluctant, I can tell she’s relieved by the way her features relax.
“Okay,” she says. “But if you need anything, don’t hesitate for to send for me.”
“Of course.” I agree knowing full well that I’ll be fine. The skin beneath her eyes has started to darken even though it’s the middle of the afternoon. I guess she hasn’t been sleeping well either. Hopefully she’ll head back to her room for a nap or something equally relaxing.
The guard unlocks the door for her without a word, and I wonder if he’s getting tired of repeating the action. He quickly steps back to his post and resumes his statue-like position without a change in his expression.
