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“A couple of interesting tidbits that will lead Blaze down a rabbit hole, I’m sure, but nothing definitely useful. I’m just taking a breather before I hit up a few more of these idiots.”
He didn’t look or sound tired, but I studied him more carefully. A question I probably shouldn’t have been asking tumbled out. “Is it hard? Not just talking with people but, like, getting flirty with them and all that?”
Garrison raised an eyebrow at me. “Still having trouble keeping your eyes off me, huh?” He gazed out at the horde again, and his voice sobered. “It’s totally easy when I don’t mean it. Everything’s easy when I don’t mean it.”
Suddenly I felt as if he’d just said something more honest than even he had realized in the moment. A brief glimpse of the man behind the many masks. Maybe that was why I found the courage to venture, even as my throat constricted a little at getting this personal, “Is that why it seems to be so hard for you to even stay friendly with me? Because you would mean it?”
Garrison’s eyes jerked back to me, startled and wary. I found myself wishing I could take the question back. But I still wanted to know the answer.
I thought he’d meant at least some of the friendly overtures he’d made, as seldom as they were. I didn’t think I’d imagined the momentary tenderness after we’d had sex. I’d assumed his hot-and-cold routine had something to do with my own behavior, but maybe it was only about him. About not wanting to let those masks down once he realized he’d started to.
The personas I put on for my jobs had always felt just like that—like a job. I couldn’t wait to strip off the posh demeanor I’d put on for this mission the second we were out of here. For Garrison, though, I was getting the impression that his masks were a way of life.
His mouth tensed, and he let his attention drift away again. I thought he was going to pretend I hadn’t spoken. But then he said, with his eyes on the crowd, “Maybe that’s some of it. I don’t hate you, that’s for sure.”
“Well, that’s reassuring,” I grumbled.
“If you were looking for reassurance, I’m not the guy to come to.”
“Yes, that’s been abundantly clear.” I paused and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things awkward. I’m just trying to understand. I realize I haven’t always been completely upfront with you, but when I was playing those roles before, it was a matter of survival. I didn’t know if I could trust any of you at all. Since you found out the truth, I’ve been trying to be the most myself I can, even if I’m still figuring out who exactly that is.”
Garrison was silent for a moment. Then the corner of his mouth curled upward. “I have a pretty good idea of who Dess is. And I—I appreciate that you’re honest, even if I haven’t been the best at showing it.”
At that admission, I couldn’t resist prying a little more. “Then why is it hard to act like you do?”
Garrison swiveled the champagne flute between his fingers. He stared down at it, and his shoulders squared as if he’d gathered some sort of resolve.
“It’s really just been me for a long time,” he said in a low voice I could barely hear over the chatter of the crowd. “When I was a kid, my family was in a car accident—my parents and my brother were killed. It was my fault. I started a stupid argument with my brother, distracted my dad at the wheel… Since then, I’ve always had this idea in my head that I deserve to be on my own. That it’s fair punishment for what I did.”
The tightness in my throat became an ache. The memory came back to me of the pain and grief I’d thought I’d glimpsed in him briefly weeks ago. No wonder he’d buried it down deep.
“Of course it isn’t,” I had to say. “It sounds like it was just an accident. Don’t kids squabble all the time?”
He shrugged. “Not to the point it gets their whole family killed. Anyway, I’ve never been worth anything as myself. When I become someone else, I can offer something of value—I can con things out of people, open doors that need opening… So that’s all I’ve been doing for ages now. That’s all I’m used to.”
“I bet there’s a lot you could offer as yourself,” I said stubbornly.
A dry chuckle fell from his lips. “I’m not sure how you can say that when I don’t even know what it’d be. But that’s your talent, huh? You always see right through my bullshit. I guess I don’t really know how to deal with that, so I deal with it badly.” He lifted his gaze to meet my eyes again. “I’m sorry about that. I got my head up my ass and was too chickenshit to pull it out again and admit I’d screwed up with you. But I’m trying to get my act together now. Or my not-an-act.”
A smile tugged at my own lips. A giddy sense of light spread through my chest. “Well, good. I’m looking forward to getting to know the real Garrison more.”
He eased a little closer, his arm coming to rest against mine. “The real Garrison can also admit that I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you all evening. I usually go for the red dresses, but damn, do you make purple look sexy as hell.”
I looked down at myself, having some trouble wrapping my head around the idea of me as “sexy.” But I could see the heat in his eyes when I glanced back up at him. He meant it.
“I wanted to kill the woman I saw you flirting with,” I offered up as my own truth.
Garrison grinned—a broad, open grin, not the studied ones he’d flashed at the people in the crowd. “And I’m sure you could have in two seconds flat. But let’s not slaughter these obnoxious people while they still might be at least a little useful to us.”
I had to laugh. “Deal.”
He slipped his arm right around me, his hand coming to rest on my waist with a stroke of his thumb that lit up every inch of my skin. “Also, for the record, I wouldn’t mind a repeat of our time on the deck. Maybe even several.”
A flush washed over my face, but I kept smiling. So nothing about our hookup had messed things up at all. And I couldn’t say I didn’t share the sentiment.
I let myself lean into his solid frame just slightly. “Same here.”
I was just wondering if there was some alcove we could duck into and celebrate our new honesty in passionate fashion when Garrison’s watch vibrated on the small of my back. He let me go so he could check the message that’d appeared on its digital face. His forehead furrowed, and he tilted it toward me.
It was a text from Blaze. Pull out of there ASAP. I’m seeing activity I don’t like. I think we could be in for some more trouble.
