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Blaze’s eyes flickered the way they always did when his brain was moving at a million miles a second putting the pieces together, and then he smacked himself in the forehead. “I think we need a codeword for milkshakes.”
“Maybe we should simply avoid them for the time being,” I remarked dryly, but afterward, my gaze slid to Dess’s door. There might be other ways to start solving that problem—ways that got right at the source. If she wanted that.
There was only one way to find out.
As the others finished clearing the table, I walked over to Dess’s room. After a second’s hesitation, I knocked.
“What?” Dess asked from the other side.
“It’s me,” I said. “Can I come in? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
“Sure, come in,” she said, sounding normal enough. But when I opened the door and saw her sitting on her cot, I couldn’t help noticing the slight slump to her shoulders and the pensive crease on her forehead that she managed to smooth away a moment later.
I considered asking the most obvious question: Are you okay? But I knew how quickly I’d deflect an expression of concern like that. And I was coming to see that Dess and I had a lot in common.
I sat across from her on the workout bench, spreading my legs as I leaned my elbows into my knees. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She sighed and made a face. “Not really.”
I nodded. “I get that, but I might be able to help if I know what’s going on. We heard the phrase your trainer used in the videos. I’m guessing it still bothers you?”
Her mouth twisted tighter, a little of the pain I didn’t think she wanted to admit showing through. “It doesn’t just bother me. It can control me.” She swore under her breath and pressed her palms to her forehead. “What if I can’t fix what they broke? Not completely.”
My heart ached for both her and the girl I’d encountered all those years ago. What if I’d taken her under my wing then? Not that I could imagine she’d have let me, but her life… it could have been different. Better.
All we had to work with was where she’d ended up in reality, though.
I shook my head. “You’re not broken. You just have some interesting features.”
She raised her eyebrows at me, and a small smile curved her lips. “That’s one way to look at it, I guess.”
“Maybe all those features will come in handy one day.”
Her eyes sharpened. “If this situation doesn’t get me killed first.” She sucked a sharp breath in through her teeth and held it for a few seconds before releasing it. “During the fight, Noelle used the code word, and it almost worked. I followed her halfway to the exit before I could stop myself.”
I winced inwardly. No wonder that wound was raw for her. “Noelle’s dead now,” I reminded her.
“Yeah, but she didn’t work alone. Anyone else who knows or gets ahold of that phrase could use it to give them enough time to take me down. Even one second of distraction in a fight could cost me my freedom. You don’t know how it feels to have someone else in control of your body, screaming at yourself to stop and getting nowhere.”
Her breathing quickened as she spoke, and she was right. I had no idea how that felt, and I didn’t even want to imagine it. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t offer her anything.
I clasped my hands together in front of me, holding her gaze. “In my special ops training, we learned a variety of techniques for avoiding mental conditioning. It’s easier to put up those barriers before the conditioning happens, but the exercises can help to fight off the compulsions too. Mental conditioning is dangerous, and it’s a testament to your strength that you broke through it so quickly. Most people could never hope to do that, especially when they’ve been programmed since early childhood.”
Dess tilted her head with a curious expression. “Did anyone ever try to condition you in that way?”
“No,” I admitted. “Nobody ever caught me for long enough. But I practiced the techniques all the same, and I talked to guys who were held prisoner who managed to resist.”
“I guess it can’t hurt to try.” She straightened up, the new resolve in her stance already reassuring me that she wasn’t shaken too badly. “Can you teach me those techniques?”
“That’s what I was thinking. I can give you the grounding, but what’s most important is that you make sure to practice them regularly on your own once you’ve got the hang of them.”
“Oh, if there’s one thing I’ve got in spades, it’s self-discipline.” Dess’s mouth quirked into a more genuine smile, one that brought the beauty in her face into clearer focus. Damn, this woman was gorgeous when I let myself notice.
But now wasn’t the time for thinking about her looks. She needed guidance, not ogling.
I motioned to the floor. “We need to sit for the first exercise. It’s a meditative experience, and it’s best to get centered on a flat surface with nothing to distract you.”
She lowered herself to the ground and crossed her legs, pulling them in tightly as I followed her. “Is this how you learned that you like to meditate?”
