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“But it wasn’t just to get a sense of control,” I said. “I wanted to know I was stronger than them, so that—when I was old enough that I didn’t need their support anymore, I paid them back for all the pain they’d inflicted on me for all those years, all at once. They got what they deserved, and that was the end of it.”
I didn’t have to spell out what I’d done any clearer than that. I could tell Dess caught my meaning.
I braced myself for shock or horror. I’d chosen to remove the bastards from my life—carefully enough that I’d never been pinned with the crime—and nothing would convince me that I hadn’t made the right decision. But that wouldn’t make it easy to see her recoil from me.
All she did was shake her head and reach out to squeeze my forearm. “I don’t blame you.”
Those four words cracked open a wall I hadn’t even known I had inside me. My breath came out in a rush. For a second, I was so overwhelmed by the unfamiliar sensations sweeping through me that I couldn’t even speak.
I groped for a steadier sense of calm so that I could finish what I’d meant to say to her. I hadn’t been looking for her sympathy. I wanted her to understand that I wouldn’t blame her either. No one in their right mind would.
“The point is,” I said, “family means nothing. You don’t choose who gives birth to you or who raises you, and sometimes they’re awful people. Sometimes they need to be taken down, just like any other random person might. You didn’t ask to have these pricks as your family, and you’ll be doing the whole world a service by taking them out of it. So feel whatever you feel, but don’t for one second think there’s anything wrong with you for doing what has to be done.”
Dess squared her shoulders. Her mouth still slanted at an uneasy angle, but her eyes held a resolve that hadn’t been there before. “Thank you. It helps knowing you’ve been there before in your own way.”
My lips formed a smile that didn’t often come naturally to them, warmth spreading through my chest despite the lingering awkwardness of my confession. I didn’t know what it meant, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I’d given everything I could to make sure this incredible woman made it through the next few hours unscathed.
