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9
ADDIE
Night fell, blanketing the world in darkness. I went outside to the middle of Maddox’s backyard and let out a guttural scream of frustration. Hel and Perse were long gone now that there was a plan in place.
Behind me, Maddox waited. He left a distance between us that made me nervous. Once I was done venting my frustration, the silence of the night settled back in and left room in my mind for doubt. I half-turned to peer back at Maddox.
Though I wanted to reach for him, I gave him the space he wanted.
I didn’t want space, though. I wanted to curl into his chest and savor the touch of his skin against mine. My heart craved a kind of closeness that we didn’t have right now. I couldn’t help but question if we would ever have it again. I didn’t blame him for his hesitation.
From the outside, it looked like I’d let Fenrir loose upon the world. I didn’t have the truth yet, so I couldn’t explain how it hadn’t been me. This was Hel’s fault, somehow. She wouldn’t admit it, but I knew it in my bones.
“I should go home,” I said softly.
I waited for Maddox to stop me. My heart sank when he didn’t reach for me. I wanted more than this. I needed him to hold me while I fell apart under the pressure of it all. Couldn’t he do that for me? Hadn’t I done enough for him to deserve this?
It wasn’t about a trade for trade interaction. I knew that much, yet I couldn’t help but waver under the pressure of what I had to do. It would break me if I wasn’t careful. Already, my spirit threatened to crack.
We had a plan, but it rested entirely on me. I had to learn to do something that no mortal should be able to do. It was something that I’d already wanted to learn. But now that Hel had her sights set on me, I wouldn’t be able to change my fate the way I’d wanted.
“Potato can take care of herself tonight,” Maddox said finally.
He touched the back of my arm. His fingertips were featherlight on my skin, but it still sent electric jolts through my body. I shuddered and stepped closer to him. He put his hand to my back and let it slide low.
When he turned my body into his, he tucked a knuckle under my chin. The wind tousled my undone hair and made me feel like the heroine on the cover of a romance novel. This wasn’t a romance, though. It felt like anything other than a romance novel with all these world-ending threats hanging over my head.
Maddox interrupted my doom and gloom thoughts. “Sleep in my bed tonight. I need to hold you close.”
My breath rushed out of me. Before I could stop myself, I wound my arm around the back of his neck and pressed my lips to his. He returned the kiss while his hands ventured beneath my shirt.
How had we come to this? Maddox and I had met during a murder investigation. Everything since then had been pushing us closer and closer. Yet, nothing ever felt close enough. I wanted him inside me in the worst way.
Would that happen tonight? How was I going to tell him that I had no idea what I was doing? I couldn’t just lie there and let him do all the work. I’d heard that men hated that, and I didn’t want to disappoint him the first time we slept together.
Maddox pulled back. “You’re stiff. Don’t worry. I won’t ask anything of you tonight. I just…want to hold you. Is that okay?”
It wasn’t. To be honest, I wanted more. I didn’t know how to ask for it yet, though.
So, I let Maddox lead me inside, down the halls towards his bedroom. The sight of his bed made my cheeks turn warm. There was little time to worry, though. Maddox turned me, lifted me so that I had to wrap my legs around him, then dumped both of us onto the plush mattress.
Despite everything, a joyous laugh spilled out of me. Was this what Ness or Vi felt like with their dragons? It was hard to imagine. They didn’t have their lovers’ souls in the palms of their hands.
My rosary slithered along my skin as I rolled onto my side. Maddox barely spared a glance at it even though that was likely where his soul resided.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” My voice was quiet like I was afraid to stir the ghosts around us.
There weren’t any, so I wasn’t sure what I was hiding from.
Maddox kissed the side of my neck. “Not at all. My soul is yours to keep. Take it wherever you need to go.”
He really loved me. That kind of trust didn’t come from nowhere. I didn’t feel like I deserved his love, though—even if I wanted it more than anything.Wantanddeservewere two wildly different things.
Maddox continued to kiss his way down my neck and along my chest, pushing the collar of my shirt out of the way. My body clenched with need. I tightened my legs around him to keep him pressed against me.
He gripped the sheets, revealing just how badly he wanted me, too.
Could we…? Should we…?
