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The talking, the laughing, the ribbing, the food… it was quaint as hell.
Another false sense of reality I really couldn’t afford to indulge.
I wasn’t sure how Alicia did it, considering everything she’d seen—all the same things I had, potentially worse. Mentally, we’d been trained to always be prepared for the absolute worst, to never get too comfortable, and certainly not settle into any sort of peace.
With all the times I’d been caught slipping as of late, I was already feeling iffy about my readiness for action. My waning level of vigilance wasn’t helping shit around here nor was my willingness to settle into the illusion of normalcy.
But the more I thought about it… I wasn’tsureit was hurting either.
Or maybe I just wanted that to be the case.
It was easy to slip into pondering when I saw the peace in the faces of those around the table— Alicia, Isaiah, Dacia, and even Penelope, who Alicia had alluded to having endured somereallyheavy shit.
They were…happy.
It couldn’t be that bad to just… live.
To justbe.
It was something I struggled with, the back and forth of not being sure it was even safe for me to have a supposedly “normal” life, but wanting it still.
And then, eventually, the fact that I was surrounded by couples—couples who had no qualms about public displays of affection—led to inevitable thoughts about Tati.
Was that a situation I should even be considering a possibility?
Honestly, I didn’t know.
Even if we were able to get past the obvious of Blue hating my guts, there was still the question for me of if I evenwantedto be in Vegas.
I had no idea where I wanted to be at all.
For so long, I’d simply been going wherever the wind blew me, hoping to land somewhere I could eventually grow roots.
But I wasn’t sure that place existed, one where I didn’t have to constantly look over my shoulder. That was something I could never subject Tati to, not with the dangers her lifestyle already presented.
It would be unfair of me to add my bullshit on top of hers.
“Coming in there, bruh.”
I blinked as those words pulled me out of the daze I’d been in. I was at the sink in the kitchen, letting my mind run over everything I’d observed tonight. Everybody who didn’t live here was gone, back to their own homes.
I was one who didn’t really have anywhere to go except back to quarters set aside for us abandonedRosesandThorns.
I made myself busy cleaning up—had insisted on the task actually. Wanting to be useful, yeah, but also just ready to go back in my room to be alone.
I’d heard the voice that went along with those words enough now to recognize it as Cree, Alicia’sdon’t-call-him-my-husband.
“Something going on?” I asked as I turned, not understanding why he’d announced himself in his own damn house, but a grin spread over his face as he finished his approach.
“I’ve just been around you motherfuckers enough over the last few years to know it’s not the best idea to sneak up on any of you. I like to reveal myself if you’re not looking so I don’t end up in a chokehold or something.”
“Oh.” I laughed, shaking my head. “I’m not that paranoid,” I told him. “But shit.. maybe I should be, I don’t know.”
Cree leaned against the counter, nodding. “Yeah, Alicia told me a little bit about your situation. She said you might be staying with us for a while?”
“Yeah, over on the other side,” I said, but those words seemed to surprise him.
“She knows that?” he asked, which made me feel like I’d missed something somewhere.
