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“Because I hoped it wouldn’t come to this for one, and for two—pleaseremember—I said this was highly experimental. Not only is what I want to teach you not a perfect science, it’s only ever been tested in a very controlled environment.”
I nodded. “I understand. But… okay, why do I need to have people with me, if I have the mental interruption thing down? I mean, I came out of that pretty easy, I think?”
“Because it was controlled, and something you didn’t want to do, and because you had your earworm going. Also, you’renotout of it. Run a hand through your locs.”
My hand was up to my head before I could even think about it, running fingers through my, now nonexistent, hair.
“What the hell?” I asked, snatching my hand back down to the table. “How—”
“Your personal interruption is what keeps you lucid. You’ll still have only minimal control,” she explained. “The only reason you didn’t drink the coffee was because I told you to stop.”
She jumped halfway across the table at me, catching me off guard with a loud, sharp clap right in front of my face that seemed to reverberate through the room. It rang acutely in my head, pushing out clouds as the sound dissipated.
“Nowyou’re out of it,” Alicia said. “The internal interruption is important, but you need an external one too. Otherwise… you’re vulnerable.”
I let out a huff. “No shit. I couldn’t even… not drink the coffee. How I am I supposed to not throw myself out a fucking window?”
“Well Nyx, you have to understand. You know me, you trust me, so the natural suspicion that would help protect you as well, isn’t present here,” she explained. “Also… you just learned of thistoday. It took us a few hours to figure out your song, but that’s really all we’ve done. Like I said, give me a week and—”
“What if I don’t have a week?” I asked.
She shook her head. “You already know where he is, don’t know?”
“I do.”
“When are you going?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know, but… I need to be ready for anything. At any time.”
Sitting back in her chair, she stared at me for a long moment. “I can’t convince you to let us plan, can I? To come up with a strategy, to—”
“You can do that,” I assured her. “But keep it all in your pocket – don’t pull it out unless whenever I go… I don’t come back.”
She sighed. “Nyx – you should let me help you.”
“Youarehelping me,” I insisted. “By teaching me how to stay in control. You said give you a week… what can you do with a day?”
Her gaze became very focused as she leaned across the table. “Let whoever’s expecting you know you won’t be back until later.”
***
By the time I made it back to thePredatorsclubhouse way later that night, I was… mentally exhausted would have been an understatement. When I left Alicia, my first thought had been to slide byBottomsto see if Tati was still there, since my last correspondence with her was early in the evening.
At the last minute, I shifted gears though.
Since the shooting incident, Tati had been tense. She’d snapped at me before she left for suggesting I should tag along with her and Keira.
She wanted me to know she didn’t need a “fucking babysitter”.
I didn’t want my popping up to be taken as ignoring that and, Ireallydidn’t know how she was going to respond to the haircut.
And I was just tired.
But, I felt way more in control of my head now than I had when I’d left this morning, now that I had evensomedefense. Alicia had driven the idea that I absolutely couldnotdo it on my own into me, and I got that, but still. I felt better knowing I had a bit of security against this particular vulnerability, making it less likely that Renard could exploit it. So there was nothing except a partner keeping me from properly seeing my way through the revenge against him.
Does Margeaux know about this?
Was she aware there was some way around our programmed handicap?
