AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I got really,really, exhausted with myself sometimes.
It was a state I’d never – to my memory – experienced until this past year or so. Maybe I’d been too mentally occupied before, with analyzing my past performance or planning future excellence, but these days… man.
I was really on my own fucking nerves.
That was the only way, even privately, I could articulate how it felt to be standing in the mirror, the sharpest of my blades in hand, unnecessarily dramatic as I contemplated carving off my rose.
It was ridiculous.
Logically, I knew that, and yet… I didn’t feel like I could live with it, a single second longer.
It had been there as long as I could remember, branding me as an asset rather than a fully-realized person. A single red rose, petals beautifully spread and intricately detailed – a loveliness that belied the underlying cruelty it represented.
An exquisite flower, on a dangerous woman I didn’t want to be anymore.
Didn’thaveto be anymore.
And yet… I was still marked.
On a deep breath, I lifted the blade to my skin, barely flinching as I pressed it into my flesh. It pricked, yes, but I couldn’t bring myself to draw my own blood, even though I’d been trying for the last hour.
Histrionic much?
I tossed the knife onto the dresser, running over the tattoo with my fingers instead. It was flat to the touch, but even with my eyes closed, I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there – it was too deeply embedded, in more than my skin.
An ugly stain, in the fabric of who I was.
Yeah.
I can’t look at this shit anymore.
I quickly ruled out the knife, knowing damn well I’d never gather the fortitude to flay it off my skin – not undertheseconditions. In some type of high-danger, life or death situation, I’d slice the damn thing off and keep it pushing.
In a reality where I could just as easily walk across the street for a tea and leisurely enjoy it from the comfort of a plush chair in the coffeehouse window without a care in the world?
Not so much.
Full removal required more paperwork and follow-up than I was comfortable engaging quite yet, so it wasn’t an option. I knew a few other girls like me, who’d opted for a coverup, and felt at ease with that option.
Now that I’d started making the mental shift from “survive” to “actually have a life” … maybe that would help me, too.
This wasn’t going to be like the pathetic persuading I’d had to go with myself to go toUrban Grind.
Nope.
I didn’t give myself time to think it over, I threw on some clothes to cover the naked state I’d been in since I exited the shower with slice-and-dicing on my mind.
And then I headed out the door.
* * *
DistInk’d was…loud.
Aurally, and visually, both in an aesthetically pleasing way.
The music was loud, the people were loud, the walls plastered in pictures and drawings, several ignored flat screens flashing everything from news to binge-streamed movies and shows. I got a few curious glances as I walked in, but I mostly went ignored except for the girl behind the front counter, sporting atleastfour facial piercings.
She smiled as I approached, putting down her cell phone to give me her attention. “What you need, love?”
