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“Why do I care? Look, I get it, the thing with Nya pissed you off. You’re still pissed. I can take that. But you acting like I shouldn’t - or don’t - give a damn about your wellbeing… it’s petty.”
“Maybe it’s petty, but that doesn’t mean it’s not valid for me to wonderwhy.I can clearly tell you what I like about you, Tristan. You’re charming, and funny, and pretty much a good guy. Maybe a great one. You’re handsome, and you’re talented, and you’re a good father. What can you say about me? Other than fine, and mysterious? You’re only interested because I’m a puzzle to figure out, and as soon as I stepped out of place, you made it clear your priority was some other bitch. And now, you wanna swoop in on your white horse for a rescue. But I’m not a goddamn princess trapped in a tower. I’m the bitch they send for the princess’ throat. So forgive me if I’m a little stressed, and not that receptive to… whatever this is.”
Once I was done with my rant, Tristan said nothing, just stared at me for a long while before he shook his head.
“You know….,” he said, after letting out a dry laugh. “You’re right, actually. Idolike that you’re a puzzle to figure out. Am I wrong for that? For being attracted to the fact that you put your mind to something and decided to go for it? For admiring your commitment to rebuilding your life, after whatever it was that you went through? For - yes - finding you gorgeous, for… wanting to be inside you? For -God forbid -wanting to get to know you?”
“Oh, here you go with the charm, and the words—”
“And hereyougo with the deflecting,” Tristan grunted. “You know what I think? I think the reason you get so fucking reticent about me trying to know you, why it’s so strange to you that I might like your ass, is becauseyouhaven’t figuredyouout.”
“Ohreally?”
“Yes really,” he nodded. “You don’t want me to get too close because you’re afraid I might solve that damn puzzle. Hell, it’s probably why you flipped about Nya - pushing me away.”
“Oh don’t you fucking dare.Don’t you fucking dare,” I hissed, moving up to him to jab his chest. “You were in the wrong,period, you’re not about to-”
“You’re right! You’re right,” he admitted, throwing his hands up. “I don’t… I don’t even know why I… I’m sorry.”
“You said it because niggas can’t help themselves, always looking for an out for their bullshit. You can’t accept that you were wrong.”
“I can,” he said, putting a hand to his chest. “I was. Iamwrong. And I’m sorry. For trying to deflect, and for the fact that it even happened. You’re right - Ididneed to check Nya, and… we reallyaren’t“friends” like that, to be honest. But I’m right too,” he pressed, raising his shoulders. “You’re pushing me away, and I wish you wouldn’t. I fucked up. I’ll own that, T.”
“So that makes it okay?”
“If it doesn’t, can you tell me what will?” he asked. “I’m not stuck on… one certain way of doing shit. Or… I’m nottryingto be.”
“I don’t know what you need to do to make it up, I just know… you hurt my fucking feelings.,” I admitted. Which… wasn’t easy. But if we were putting it all out there, there was no use pretending it was something else.
“I’m sorry.”
His response came quick, but… he meant it.
Still, I shook my head. “Do you evenreallyunderstand why?”
“I do. I made it seem like Nya’s presence weighed more than yours, which isn’t true. And when you pointed it out… I made it seem like you were the one who was wrong. Instead of owning my shit.”
I nodded. “Yeah. My question is stillwhy?What the fuck is so special about her?”
Tristan pushed out a sigh. “I guess… familiarity. Consistency. I have a hard time with… change, I guess. Unless it’s change I directly initiated.”
“Like pursuing a new woman, even though you’re still connected to your ex?”
“We both know I wasn’t thinking that far ahead, don’t we?”
I didn’twantto laugh at that, but… I did. “Yeah. We do. The thing is … we have a chance to correct this now, and decide what, ultimately, we actually want.”
“What Iwantis to be good with you.”
“We can begoodwithout beingtogether,” I countered.
“Is what you want?”
“I could live with it.”
“That’s not what I asked you. T, you’re the one not being clear, not really saying anything here,” Tristan said, raising his shoulders. “I’m not uncertain, or confused, and I’m not too stubborn to say I chooseyourpresence in my life over hers, especially since… onceIreally thought about what you said – about what really constituted a friend…”
“I was right, wasn’t I?”
