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Especially sinceI’dwoken up in a daze, wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into, because it definitely wasn’t as simple as sex.
I was too calm.
Too happy.
Too… okay.
It was terrifying.
I pulled myself out of bed, grabbing my cell phone as I went so I could place a phone call to the one person I could count on to understand this particular plight.
Tempest.
Like me, she was onlyrecentlyremoved from the Rose lifestyle. And even though she and I, like me and Alicia, had been bred with different purposes… she got me.
Tempest was still figuring herself out.
She’d been further along than I had so far, though. She’d started an entire business, and I don’t think she’d said the words yet, but if you asked me, she was in love.
A state which had left her on more than one occasion feeling quite conflicted.
So… yeah.
She’d get me.
I hesitated outside on the patio, looking at the time.
It was still pretty early.
But with me in California and her in the Heights, there was a three-hour time difference which would put my call at what was actually a reasonable hour.
So I stopped hesitating, and went ahead and made the call.
Tempest answered quickly, sounding out of breath, which she promptly explained by letting me know she was out for a run.
“It’s time for me to cool off though, so I can talk,” she assured me as I took a seat at the end of one lounge, wrapping myself a little tighter in the robe I’d thrown on. “What’s going on?”
“I slept with Isaiah last night,” I blurted, before I could give myself any passes by thinking of a way to make it sound nice and neat. “And this morning. Twice. He’s in my bed right now.”
“Whoa!Whoa.Wow,” Tempest exclaimed. “This is how you’re coming first thing in the morning?”
“I’m sorry,” I told her. “I know it’s a lot. I just… I don’t know what to do now. Or what to say. Or where we stand. Or how to feel.”
“Well, I’m fairly sure the question ofwhere you standis best answered by a discussion withhim. But as far as how you’re supposed to feel… you just feel however you feel. Period. Whatever you feel, is fine. The key thing is to figure out how to deal with it from there.”
“Okay, I can tell you’ve been on time foryourtherapy sessions,” I teased. “I hear you,” I told her, “I’m just still so… I don’t know. Confused.”
“Confused for what? Dacia, isn’t this man like your long lost first love or something? You told me that, right?”
“Yes, I did, I’m just… The history was complicated enough between us. Justthatpart was enough to deal with and honestly was something I didn’t even know how to handle. Now we’ve added this element of sex to it - and notjustsex, the first shred of any intimacy I’ve had with anyone… Pretty muchever. And now I just feel way too comfortable. Like I’muncomfortablewith how comfortable I feel with this whole thing. Like I should… be more traumatized or something. With everything else,every other partof feeling human again has been so difficult. And yet this thing thatshouldbe major… this just feels like it has come so easily that its kind of frightening.”
“Wait, let me get this straight - you reconnect with the first boy you fell in love with, and he is full-blown, grass-fed, sex on a platter. He is still as dreamy and crush-worthy, and all that as you remember. Youfinallyget the dick… dick that youwant… And you feel like it came too easily? Dacia ifanybodydeserves for something to come easily to them… It’s you. I’m sorry - I’mnottrying to be dismissive, I just… really don’t want to hear that you feel like something should have beenharderfor you. After whatyouwent through. You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tempest fussed, sounding more like a trusted bestie than the tough-girl killer Iknewshe was.
Had been.
Not anymore.
I sighed. “I’m pretty sure it’sbecauseof what I’ve been through that I feel like this,” I explained. “It’s like… everything else was so bad, and thennoweverything is… too good. It’s like I’m waiting on something to go wrong, because somethinghasto go wrong, right?”
