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“It’s definitely been two,” he laughed. “Check your calendar.”
“I don’t have to check my calendar, today is what it is, and we checked out of the resort on— oh damn. That was two weeks ago, wasn’t it? Why does it feel like…”?
“I guess time flies when you’re having fun.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled, running through a mental checklist trying to make sure I hadn’t missed anything while I was confused on what freaking day it was. “Anyway, though,” I said, shaking my head free of that as Isaiah pulled on a fresh pair of boxers from his overnight bag. “The struggles are pretty common for us, based on what I’ve heard from everyone else I’ve talked to. You… should go to therapy. It really helps. It’s helped all of us who’ve done it.”
Isaiah frowned. “And what exactly do you think I can tell a therapist that won’t have me locked in a dungeon somewhere with my ass beat by American cops?”
“We have a network that we trust,” I assured him. “There’s ways around it. I get it --it’s a difficult thing to think about, opening up to some stranger, but... it’s not even just about helping. I think it’s likelyvitalfor us, if we want to be acclimated to this real world, have healthy relationships…notsee a trauma highlight reel every time we close our eyes. Youneedto talk to someone.”
Isaiah’s eyebrows went up. “…Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me Ihaveto do this, if you and I are going to be a thing?”
“I’m not saying youhaveto... yet,” I amended, not wanting to downplay the gravity of how I felt about this.
But truthfully, as much as I wanted Isaiah… nothing could come in front of my healing from what I’d gone through. This relationship with him couldn’t trump my mental health.
And two people who’d gone through what we had?
I couldn’t imagine it not going toxic if onlyoneof us was whole.
Isaiah gave me this deep, searching look for long enough to make it uncomfortable, but I wasn’t about to back down. Finally, he gave me a brief nod.
“I’ll think about it,” he said, turning his attention back to his bag before he spoke again. “You know you’re the only person who could get away with this shit, right?” he asked, and I grinned.
“Perks of being the love of your life, right?” I teased.
“Oh, is that what you are?”
“Obviously. Can you deny it?”
He smirked, shaking his head. “I cannot, and would not try.”
“Okay, then there we go. What are you about to get into?” I asked, noticing he’d pulled out athletic gear instead of regular clothes.
“Well,” he said, “You want me to go to therapy, right? Wilder invited me to come shoot hoops with him, Cree, some other guys. I wasn’t going to go do that kumbaya shit, but now that we’ve talked… I guess I’m going.”
I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing. “As much as I think it will be good for you to feel a connection and build relationships with some other guys, you knowthatwon’t count as professional therapy, right?”
Zay sucked his teeth. “Duh,Dee. You said some of them have done it already, so I’m going so I can get the lay of the land — not as a replacement. Have a little faith in me.”
“Okay, I’m just trying to be clear. And I don’t want this to… I just want to be…”
“I get it- you don’t have to explain yourself. I know you’re not wrong, which is why I’m not giving this as much pushback as I could. Difficult things don’t scare me. And once I’ve decided I want something, it’s going to be mine. I want you more than anything in the world, so… if I’ve gotta do the inner work, and love myself, and all that shit to get you… I guess that’s what we’re going to be doing.”
I couldn’t even properly swoon over that moment like I wanted because my attention was drawn by a sudden pounding on the door – urgent, demanding pounding. I frowned, and started for it, but Isaiah immediately grabbed my arm, putting me behind him.
“You stay here. I’ll go see,” he said, with a look that very clearly communicated he expected me to stay right in that spot.
Of course Ididn’tthough, waiting a few seconds for him to make his way through my place to the front door before I was right behind him.
And thank goodness I was.
He peeked at the view on the camera panel and saw that it was Alicia at the same time I did. Before I could intercept, he’d already opened the door.
Which meant we’d have to talk about Isaiah being over here.
Again.
