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“How else am I going to make it up to you?”
I frowned. “Makewhatup to me?”
“Everything!” Alicia insisted. “I didn’t do what I should’ve back then, so I’m trying to do itnow.”
“Back then?! Alicia, we werechildren!What the fuck were you supposed to have done?!”
“Anything!” Her eyes were wet, and so were mine. “But I didn’t, and now here we are.”
“It wasn’t your job to protect me,” I whispered. “Not then. And not now.”
She shook her head. “If that’s the case… then after the Garden, after everything… why did you hold it against me? At first, I thought it was just a thing about people from your past, but you were fine with Pen. You’re fine with all the others from the Garden. You’re fine with Isaiah, whobroke your fucking heart.But me? You… couldn’t even look at me. Couldn’t be in the room with me without it being obvious I made your skin crawl, couldn’t talk to me. For months, and months, andmonths. But him—you’re the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”
“Isthatwhat this is about?” I asked, moving to the door where she was standing. “Alicia… theyprogrammedthat reaction into me, so I wouldn’t remember you. They made it so that just the thought of you, was… traumatizing. So I would block it out. I can’t take back those reactions I had to you at first, as much as I wish I could. And I’mso sorryI hurt you. But it wasn’t… it had nothing to do with who you really are and was no indication of how I actually feel about you. Iloveyou, Ace to my Deuce,” I told her, reaching out to cup her face in my hands as tears spilled down both our cheeks. “And the fact that I’m able tobe finewith the other roses, the other thorns… withIsaiah…is directly because of you. All of this isbecause of you, and I’m so grateful that you loved me enough to burn the world down over me. But… you’ve got me now, and I’m not going anywhere. So let me breathe. Let me learn. Let mefall.You’ll know if I need you to pick me up.”
Alicia stared at me for a moment before wrapping her arms around my neck, tight. I could barely breathe, but I let it happen without a word, especially once I realized she was sobbing, however quiet.
Of course, I broke down in sobs too.
“Okay, I’ve gotta go,” she said, after several long minutes had passed. She pulled away, quickly wiping her face dry and squaring her shoulders, her resolute expression absolutely ridiculous with red, puffy eyes. “You and Isaiah… come to dinner tonight. Yaya likes him, and she asked about you yesterday.”
I smiled, wiping my own face. “We’ll be there.”
After that, she was gone, now that we’d exhausted our emotional bank for the day. I headed back to my room, expecting to find it empty, but Zay was still there, perched in my side chair with his headphones on.
When I walked in, he looked up from his laptop and then set it aside, pulling his headphones down. “Hoops isn’t for another hour or so, so I figured I’d hang out in case you needed me after Ace left...”
He extended his arms to me, and I didn’t hesitate to put myself between them, climbing into his lap, head against his chest.
Because he was absolutely right.
