AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I sucked my teeth. “Oh please. All that did was make him resent me.”
“Not at first though.”
“Right. He cared about not disrespecting me, at first. Helovedme, at first. He wouldn’t cheat on me,at first.Whoop-de-fucking-doo. You keep wanting to talk about what he did at first, but like Janet said – what thefuckhad he done for me lately?”
“Whoa,shit, Monica,” he chuckled. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to upset you. I’m sorry, I just miss my friend, and I’m trying to focus on the positive memories, instead of… the other shit.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t quite have the same luxury. In case you forgot, yourfriendwas murdered in the condo he lived in with his pregnant mistress, and paid for with money I earned. Since we’re strolling memory lane, did you talk to your boy about howfucked upthat was?”
“As a matter of fact, Idid,” he insisted, any humor from before completely removed from his tone. “Don’t think that just because I considered the man a friend, I supported that shit. He was wrong, and I told him so.”
“But he didn’t give a damn, did he?” I snapped. “I know you loved him as a friend, and I loved him as a husband, but don’t you sit in my face and try to martyr him in death as if he was perfect in either role.”
“Hey…” His tone was soft as he reached for my hand. “That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m not trying to upset you. I’m sorry.”
I closed my eyes as his thumb moved back and forth across my palm, then shook my head, trying in vain to hold back tears. “I’msorry. My emotions are all over the place today. One second, I’m reminiscing my damn self, and the next I’m wondering why the hell I chose him in the first place.”
Ash’s grip on my hand tightened, and I looked up to find him staring, with clear sympathy in his eyes. “Well, first of all, for the record, he and Iboththought you were too good for him,” he told me, sitting his drink down on the glass coffee table, freeing his hand to swipe away the tears that had started spilling down my cheeks. When I laughed at that, he grinned. “There we go, there’s that beautiful smile again.”
“Whatever, Asher.”
“I’m not lying on you,” he teased. “And second… I’m pretty sure that what you’re feeling… the up and down, the regrets, the wondering… it’s all a normal part of the grieving process. I don’t want you beating yourself up over it.”
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right,” I told him, then squeezed his hand. “Thanks Ash.”
“Thank me forwhat? For doing the shit a friend is supposed to do?”
I shrugged. “Well… yeah, actually. I mean, you and I were friends back then, sure, but Kellen was yourhomie.You could easily have pretended I didn’t even exist, which is what I expected. You’re the only one of Kellen’s friends to reach out to me at all.”
“Definitely don’t takethatpersonal. Over the last year or so, Kellen pushed everybody away really. I was the only one who gave him any pushback, so there’s no telling where their heads are with all of this.”
“Wow.” I frowned. “I didn’t know that. But I guess there was no reason I would’ve, since it’s not like I was around him either. Once I moved into the house by myself… that was it. I tried to pretend he didn’t even exist.”
“Which meant pretendingIdidn’t exist,” Ash reminded me, making me shake my head.
“Not intentionally, but… you’re right. And that’s my bad. We used to kick itso hard.Me, Kellen, you, Amanda… I wonder if she even knows about Kellen. Have you talked to her at all lately?”
“Nah,” he sighed. “Haven’t heard her voice in years.”
I nodded. “I might try to call her tomorrow. I used to try all the time, but she never answered, so I just stopped.”
“Recently?”
“No, this was years ago. Around when she up and left after y’all broke up. I never did hear her side of that story by the way.”
Ash shrugged. “I told you, we just grew apart. She wanted to move back out west, and I wasn’t interested. Neither of us wanted to do long distance, so the choice was made. She thought keeping up with each other would just keep us from being able to move on, so I respected her wishes and let it go.”
“Ugh. She was probably right, but still. That was my homegirl, and she just disappeared. I bet she stopped taking my calls because talking to me would remind her ofyou.”
“Sure, blame me for everything.”
“I’m notblamingyou, just saying,” I laughed. “I miss those times.”
“So do I. And now, it’s down to just us two.”
Damn.
It sounded so gloomy when he phrased it that way, but… he was right. Through college, and after, the four of us had been super tight. Double dates, Sunday breakfasts, trips. I’d honestly thought we’d be friends forever, until Amanda up and disappeared. Once she was gone, and it was me, Ash, and Kellen, I started feeling like a third wheel in their bromance, so I left them to their manly shit, and ended up tight with other friends – Blake, Kora, Nubia, and Chloe. And now, like he said… both of our partners were gone.
