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“But you knewme. Well… kind of,” he conceded with a nod. “Look, I’m not going to sit here and pretend I don’t understand that it was scary for you. I know it was, and I understand why you asked Chloe to put you in touch with someone who could help – someone who just so happened to be me. But think about that – we’d been friends online for more than five years, andincrediblyclose for almost two. I tell you something thinking that I’m helping you, and you decided to just… not talk to me. For two days, even though we usually talked multiple times a day, every day. I only knew you were okay because Ihappenedto recognize you. Then next thing I know… I’m getting arrested. Talk about some shit that stings…”
Oh.
Ihadn’tconsidered that.
But it didn’t mean I was ready to take the responsibility I knew was mine.
“You could have reached out.”
“You’re right. I could’ve. But with you already being suspicious of me, what would your response to that have been?”
I sighed. “Probably not great.”
“Exactly.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that you were mean as hell, while I was going through a really rough time. Ineededyou.”
“And I getallof that, but I need you to understand this little rift or whatever didn’tstartwith me “being mean” to you. It started with you deciding to cut off communication, and me finding out that you recorded us without my knowledge, leading to who knowshowmany people seeing what was supposed to be a private act.”
“I told you I was sorry about that!” I insisted. “It was only ever supposed to be formyeyes.”
He shook his head. “Sandy… I don’t want or need an apology from you. The shit happened, we can’t do anything about it now. This isn’t about laying blame on anybody – I’m just trying to put it all out there and make it clear that my anger didn’t happen in a vacuum. I know you’re going through hell right now, and it feels like everything is falling apart, but you aren’t the only person with things at stake. Did you know that I used to be in the CIA?”
My eyebrows went up. “No. And to be honest, I’m really not here for a conversation that definitely feels like you’re blamingmeforyoubeing an asshole. But, I’ll let you finish. Tell, me, what does you fooling around with computers for the CIA have to with this?”
He chuckled, deflecting my attempted jab. “Everything. I didn’tfool around with a computerfor the CIA – I dropped international bodies for them. Disrupted foreign governments. Brokered arms deals. And okay, yeah, maybe I hacked a few things. I’ve had assignments so classified that I, literally, would have to kill you if I told you. You don’t come away from that without making the kind of enemies that probably don’t know your real name, but if they happened to see your face on the news by some twist of fate – say, getting arrested in connection with the murder of a beauty mogul’s husband – it could be a problem for you and everybody you love. If it was just me… okay, fine, maybe that’s no big deal. But I have achild. Yes, she’s technically a grown woman, but whenIlook at her, I still see the face of the ten-year-old who got dropped on my doorstep after she lost her mother. So let’s go back to the sting of knowing you didn’t trust me, add finding out you’d betrayed my privacy, and top it all with a little “I’m the only parent Kayla has left, and I’ll be goddamned if she loses me too.” and you tell me you don’t understand why I told you I didn’t want to see your face.”
I swallowed, hard. “Well, when you put it like that…”
“Look, Sandy—”
“Monica.”
“Sorry.Monica,” he said, reaching over to put a hand on my knee. “I swear to you – this isnotabout me trying to make something your fault. I’m not holdingshitagainst you, not looking for an apology, none of that. From my interactions with your friends, I can tell there was some “Girl, fuck him” type talk, and Igetit. Reasons aside, Iwasan asshole to you. Ididmake a decision without all the facts. Iwasn’tthere when you needed me, and I’m sorry, full stop. I just want you to see where I’m coming from, and what factored into my words, so you don’t think that’s all I am.”
I turned in his direction, frowning as I put my hand over his. “Wick, I—”
“Chad.”
“Sorry.Chad.”
“I’m just fucking around. Fromyourlips, I prefer Wick.”
“If you don’t stop playing…”
“I’m gonna get in trouble?”
“Wick!”
“Hm?”
I couldn’t help smiling, shaking my head at the way he wiggled his eyebrows at me before he put his eyes back on the road. Being up close and personal with the funny, goofy moments we’d shared so many times on the phone felt… good.
Better than it needed to.
“What I wastryingto say was that we’ve known each other for a long time. My opinion of you is very, very high. I knew there was more to you than that. And so do my friends, if you’re concerned about that.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. They didn’t seem too fond when y’all were accusing me of being a sugar daddy.”
