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“Shit, my bad,” I called out, backing away and closing the door. “I was just making sure you were okay. Probably should’ve knocked.”
Not even five seconds passed before she pulled the door back open, creamy caramel thighs on full display as she stood there pantless, in just that hoodie. “Yes, you should’ve. But it’s not like you haven’t seenallof me anyway.”
“Still. I’m sorry.”
She nodded. “Yes, still. And, apology accepted. And to answer your question, I’m fine.”
“Enjoyed your massage?”
She smirked. “Yes, as a matter of fact. I did. And now, I am going to take advantage of my relaxed state, and try to sleep. Unless you’d like to barge in and interruptthattoo.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Yeah. I’m… as the young folks say, tripping, huh?”
“Yeah, a little bit. Who knew you’d be so wildly jealous and possessive of a woman you said you never wanted to see again?”
“Never gonna let me forget that, huh?”
“You forget I thought Kayla was your girlfriend, and we can call it even. Deal?”
“Deal. And for what it’s worth… the jealousy is blowing me too.”
Monica grinned. “Good to know.”
“Rest well. Okay?”
“I am certainly going to try,” she sighed, glancing around the room behind her. “A glass of wine would probably help. You have one of those lying around?”
I cringed. “Actually, no, I don’t. I try not to keep it around the house.”
Monica’s eyebrows lifted. “Oh, right, you told me that. Your precarious relationship with alcohol. You mentioned it, but you never explained what happened.”
There was silence between us for a few seconds before her eyebrows went up a little further.
“Oh, shit,” I said. “That was a hint, wasn’t it?”
She hiked one shoulder. “Yeah, a little bit.”
“Right. Uh…” I cleared my throat, then pushed my hands into the pockets of the sweats I’d changed into after my shower earlier, before we’d gone to the hospital to see Kim. “So… eleven or so years ago… my life got turned upside down. I was minding my business, between ops, and I get a knock on my door. Surprise, you have a child. She’s ten. Her mother – a fellow government agent, living abroad – was killed in the line of duty. So this beautiful little girl – looksexactlylike her mother – doesn’t have anyone except you now. I was still young. Still a little wild. No plans of settling down anytime soon, let alone having children, but… she was here. So I had to adjust.Drastically.Resigned from the CIA, landed a desk job with the FBI. Bought a house suitable for a family. And I… do my best, you know? But I’m trying to raise a pre-teen girl who is grieving the loss of her mother, dealing with my own feelings about learning that Lisa had died – grief, confusion,angerthat she’d never told me our fling had resulted in a child.”
“Wait,” Monica interrupted, holding up her hands. “You had this fling, and then never saw her again?”
I nodded. “Yeah. She was stationed in Prague. I was… hell, twenty-one, twenty-two? Kids, honestly. I was still an agent-in-training. We had fun while I was there, and I actuallywantedto keep in touch. Not gonna lie, she was seven years older than me, and had my young ass sprung. But she didn’t want that. For her it was like… holla if you’re ever back in Prague.”
“And you were never back in Prague.”
“No. I wasn’t. I never saw her alive again, but here was this little girl, with her face. Just dropped into my lap, turning my whole world upside down. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. I was confused, and angry, and…scared. I was really fucking scared. A drink at night to help me sleep turned into three. Turned into working from home so I could drink during the day, while Kay was at school, and have time to be sober for her. That’s how youknowyour ass is a drunk, when that’s your rationale, as if your responsibility to your child is only during their off hours from school.” I stopped, letting out a dry chuckle. “But… anyway… social services stopped by one day. Surprise visit, to see the state of the home, talk to me while she was at school.”
Monica put a hand to her mouth. “Wick…no.”
“Oh yes. The quick version? They took Kay from me, because they felt I couldn’t provide a suitable home. This little girl who’d already lost the only parent she knew, but was finally,maybestarting to feel a little bit of normalcy, kindamaybestarting to trust me… ripped away, again.”
“But you got her back, right?” Monica asked, her eyes glossy and wide. “They didn’t put her in the system, did they?”
“Only because I fought. Tooth and nail, Ifought. Whatever classes they told me to take, I was there. AA, I was there. Random breathalyzer, whatever the hell they wanted, I did it, because I wasn’t going to let my daughter down,” I told her, clearing my throat after I finished. “And that, is the Saturday morning special story of my, as you stated, “precarious relationship” with alcohol.”
Monica stepped forward, wrapping her soft hands around my wrists. “Stop it. Don’t downplay that, as if it’s…”
“Corny? But it is.”
“So what if it is? It’s also what makes you so much more of a man than... others.”
“Am I interrupting something?” Chloe asked from the stairs, and I stepped back from Monica’s doorway.
“Nah,” I told her, shaking my head. “I was just about to go back down to the office. She’s all yours, Chlo.”
Before they could protest, I’d already scooped up my laptop and chair and headed back down the hall, to the safety of my office. The further I was from Monica and her questions… the better.
