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Slamming the tray down on the counter, I let out a breath. I’m pissed. I love Diane, but I don’t need her playing mother. I can take care of myself.
My phone vibrates, pulling me from my thoughts. I take it out of my pocket and start to panic, noticing it’s Sandra.
Sandra
Hi, honey, she’s fast asleep and her temperature down some. I know you won’t but I wanted to drop you a message so you can relax a little.
Me
Thank you. I’m so sorry I haven’t had a chance to call, it’s been so busy.
Sandra
It’s okay, I would have called if there was a reason to. You should give yourself a break.
I’ll leave you to it, I just wanted to give you a little update.
Me
Thanks. I won’t be late tonight.
* * *
Two hours later, I’m standing in the doorway of her room as I watch her sleep. When I got the call from the nursery earlier today, my heart dropped, she’s never been sick, so when I got home and took her temp, I panicked when it was one-oh-one. I ran straight to my neighbour, Sandra. She’s a former nurse and a godsend––she looks after Maddie while I’m working at the bar.
She came straight round and checked Maddie over, she said it was just a virus, but she stayed with us all day, just to put me at ease.
I walk over to my pint-sized two-year-old baby girl and brush her light brown hair out of her face. I love her beautiful face, it’s round and she has this natural glow and this cute little button nose. She is perfect, and the best thing Dylan and I ever did.
I sit with her for a few more minutes before heading back into the sitting room. I look around––it’s not the greatest apartment, the paint is peeling off the walls and half of the windows don’t open, and it really isn’t in the best neighbourhood, but at least it’s a roof over our heads. I double check the lock on the front door, not sure why I’m bothering, because if someone wanted to get in, that door wouldn’t hold them back.
I head to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine and check the mail on the counter. Nothing new, a couple of bills, but the letter at the bottom draws my attention. I don’t need to open it. Flipping it over, I see there is a stamp on the back indicating it’s from the family court. I don’t want to deal with the ‘right now’. I throw the letters back down on the counter and head to the sofa.
It’s two a.m. and I’m too wired to sleep. I would have loved to tire myself out with Ronan tonight, but I couldn’t expect Sandra to take care of Maddie all night when she’s sick.
Maybe he’ll show up at work tomorrow night? I could go back to his hotel for a couple of hours just to burn off some of my energy.
I’m sure he’ll show, but I have no idea what I would tell him… he has no idea about Maddie, and I have no intention of telling him. This thing with him is just a little bit of fun––I especially don’t want anything serious, not after Dylan. I’m not sure what Ronan’s story is, but he has demons, you can see them in his eyes. I know he uses me as an escape, and as long as I get what I want too, I’m good with it.
I sit on the sofa, turning on the TV and flicking through the channels for a little bit before settling on some true crime show. I really shouldn’t watch this sort of thing living here on my own, but I always find myself hooked. I take a sip of my wine and settle in to watch the show.
“Momma…”
I startle awake and see my little girl standing in front of me, thumb in her mouth, her bright blue eyes glassy like she’s been crying. I glance around and realise I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and the TV is still on––only the serial killer programme has been replaced by those shows where they try to get you to buy random crap.
I glance at Maddie then towards the window. It’s that time of the morning between night and sunrise, when the sky begins to lighten and the shadows start to form.
“Hey, baby girl. What’s up?” I reach out and lift her onto my lap and she instantly snuggles into me as I wrap my arms around her.
“Scared…” It’s barely a whisper, and I can only just make out what she says with her thumb in her mouth.
“You have a bad dream, baby girl?” She nods and snuggles into me tighter. I reach over and flick on the children’s channel on TV. We spend the next few hours on the sofa, and I get up only once to make her some breakfast and grab myself a coffee.
I’m grateful that her temperature has come down and she’s no longer running a fever.
After clearing away our breakfast dishes, I walk over to Maddie sitting on the sitting room floor, playing with her doll. “Hey, baby girl.” She looks up at me with a smile, and it melts my heart. “What do you say we go to the park for a little bit?”
She jumps up and runs to me. “Yay, park, Momma.”
