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“Do your brothers know?”
“Of course they do, Ma. We’re a family. Us keeping secrets and not opening up, its fucking dangerous. We almost lost Ronan because of it, we’ve already lost Rory… I won’t risk losing another one of my brothers. I need you to be honest with me, Ma, please.”
“Your Da, he loved you boys…”
“Not Finn though?”
“I can’t tell you if he did or didn’t, only your Da would know the real answer to that. I know that he didn’t believe he was his son, he was convinced that I’d had an affair, because Finn looked so different from the rest of you. But the red isn’t just in my family, it was in his… on his mother’s side. Her family disowned her when she married your grandfather, but your grandmother’s mother was a redhead.”
“Finn told us about the fight him and Da had.”
I move closer to her as her head drops and the tears start to fall. I hate that I’m upsetting her.
“Ma…”
“For years, your Da and I made it work, we kept the fighting away from you boys, apart from Finn, because he didn’t care if Finn heard us. Sometimes, I used to think he wanted him to know what he really thought. But the day I jumped between them, things changed with your Da and I. It got better, just not with Finn. Even when he brought home that paternity test, I think your Da did believe it deep down, but it was too late then, the damage was done, and his pride wouldn’t let him admit he’d made a mistake.”
“Do you know Da told him that he’d never play a part in the Syndicate because he wasn’t one of us? Finn fought so fucking hard for years to be loved by that man and he treated him like shit. The day Finn gave him the test, Da accused him of forging it and said it changed nothing. My baby brother has spent his entire life wondering if Da was going to try and turn us against him, like he did with Darragh. And you know what’s worse than all of that? You let him, Ma.”
“Now look here, boy, you don’t know what it was like––”
“You’re right, I don’t, because you never told us. I get why Finn didn’t, he was a boy, terrified of being sent away and never seeing us again. But you… you could have told us. Why didn’t you?”
She stands, heading into the kitchen. I let her walk away, giving us both a few minutes to calm down. This isn’t exactly how I intended this conversation to go. Hearing her moving about in the kitchen, I take a deep breath and follow her in.
I’m barely through the door when she starts talking. “I was worried that if you boys found out you would side with your Da. Finn loved you boys and his sisters so much. I couldn’t bear it if he lost you as well as your Da.”
“You really think that little of us? That we’d side with Da without hearing you out? You really think we’d turn on Finn?”
I can’t hear anymore. I don’t want to hear anymore. I shake my head at her and turn on my heel, heading out the house without a backward glance. I need some space and a fucking sparring session. I call Connor as I get in my car and speed off.
Chapter 7
Finn’s been gone for three days. He came home, after spending the night with his brothers, in a weird mood.
When he came home, he stormed straight upstairs, he didn’t acknowledge me, or even Alex.
He’s messaged me a couple of times to check I’m okay, and Alex has stayed every night, so I’m not alone, but it feels weird not having him here. I know we barely know one another, but I didn’t think he’d take off within two days of me getting here. It really does feel like he doesn’t want anything to do with me.
“Hey, did you get any sleep last night?” Alex breezes into the kitchen looking bright and cheerful. She’s dressed in a black skirt and white fitted blouse, and her hair is pinned back into a loose bun. I really like her, but does she always have to be so put together all of the time?
“I got maybe an hour or so.”
“I have to head to work, I have an early meeting, but what do you say I cut out early this afternoon and we can go shopping and call Bells? I can ask Connor to come so Finn will bitch at him about you leaving the house.”
I take a sip of my water and look at my bowl of fruit. I’ve hardly eaten anything for days, I just feel so sick all of the time. “Actually, Alex, I was thinking you should stay home with Connor tonight. You guys have been apart for days. And truthfully, I could use a little space. I love having you here, but I just need some time to myself.”
She watches me for a few minutes, and I think for a while she is going to say no, but she grabs a banana from the bowl and smiles. “You really want to be on your own?”
I nod, not trusting my voice not to betray me. Don’t get me wrong, I would like a little space, but I really do not want to be alone, however she needs to be with Connor in their own home, and I need to get used to being on my own, because I have a feeling this is going to be a regular thing.
“If you change your mind at any time, drop me a text or a call and I’ll come straight over. Don’t forget you have security right outside the door, and you can’t leave without one of us. Okay?”
She walks over, placing her hand on my arm and lightly squeezing.
“Okay. And thank you for the last few nights, Alex, I really appreciate you staying with me.”
“No problem. Don’t forget, call anytime. And try to get a little more rest” She places a kiss on my cheek and heads out for work, leaving me alone in his house.
