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“You know he told me that you guys knew I was in the hospital but that you didn’t care, and that was why you hadn’t bothered to come and see me? That was the last time I cried. I knew I’d never be good enough––I’d never be a part of the Syndicate or the family. I thought he’d finally turned you against me, and when I came home and you were all taunting me, I thought that he’d succeeded. I truly thought that you didn’t love me.”
No matter how hard I try, I can’t hold back the tears the fall. I hate being this fucking vulnerable. My demon is desperate for control, desperate to create carnage. I close my eyes and roll my neck.
My eyes shoot open the moment I sense movement, only to see Killian walk around the table and drop to his knees in front of me, and it’s only then that I notice the tears.
“Kill…”
He grips my hands and shakes his head then drops it. I watch his shoulders rise and fall as he takes deep breaths. Seconds later, his head rises, and he looks directly at me. “I failed you. I failed each and every one of us. I should have seen what he was doing to you, I should have realised. He was grooming me to take over, and I should have been smart enough to figure out that he was putting you through hell. Please, Finn, forgive me for not protecting you. For not seeing what it was he was doing to you––”
“Kill, brother, there isn’t anything to forgive. You didn’t do this, none of you did. What happened to me was on Da and Darragh, and even me and Ma. They may have treated me like shit, but Ma and I, we probably should have said something.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I look over at Connor, his expression curious.
“Because Da already hated me. He said that he’d make sure you all knew the truth, that he’d tell you all I wasn’t his kid. He said that if you found out that then you’d all feel betrayed and wouldn’t acknowledge me as your brother. I know I was always guarded and didn’t let you guys in much, but I loved you. I loved having you by side and knowing that if I ever needed anything that you’d be there, even if there was always a threat of me being cast aside. Every day I woke up, I was so afraid that it would be the day I lost you all.”
“Fuck, Finn.” Killian stands, pulling me to him as I feel Ronan’s hand on my back and see Connor stand.
“You’re never going to lose us. Do you hear me? Never. You’re our family no matter what, our blood just makes us thicker. I will spend my life making up for the shit Da and Darragh did, I promise you.”
I grab Kill’s shoulders, holding him at arm’s length, shaking my head. “Just knowing that I’ll never lose you is enough. There’s nothing for you to make up for. Just promise me that you’ll always be my brother.”
The four of stand in a circle, shoulder to shoulder. Killian looks at each one of us. “Let’s agree from this moment on, we’re always honest with each other. No more secrets, no more hiding. Nothing comes between us.”
Without hesitation, the rest of us each give a chin lift with one word… “Agreed”
Chapter 37
God, I miss Ireland… kind of. I love New York but being pregnant in the heat of July is killing me. We’re having a heat wave, and I’m hoping the rest of the year isn’t like this. All I can say is thank God for aircon.
I check the dining table is set again. I’ve checked it five times already, but I want to make sure everything is perfect.
We’ve been married for two months now, and it’s been incredible. I never thought it would be like that, I never thought he’d actually want to be with me.
He’s made no secret about how much he loves me, and I hope he realises I love him just as much. And the sex––my God, the sex is incredible. I’m constantly horny, and Finn has no problem helping me out with that. We hit the club every couple of weeks, ever since that first night.
The second time we went, I was so turned on watching a woman have a man from the club eat her pussy, I’d wanted to try it, but I’ve been too scared to say anything to Finn. I know he said that we could talk about anything I wanted to try and he’d consider it, but I wasn’t sure it would be something he would be comfortable with, and I didn’t want to upset him.
I’ve learnt though that when it comes to me and what I want, he will do anything to make me happy, and if it’s something that he’s not happy with, he will tell me.
So tonight, I plan on telling him I want to try it.
The oven beeps and I grab the oven mitts off the counter just as I hear the front door.
“Mmm, Lasagne.” Finn smiles as he steps into the kitchen, and as I place the lasagne on the counter, he wraps his arms around me, his hands resting on my stomach. Since I’ve grown my bump, he can’t keep his hands off it.
“You had a good day, baby?” he asks as he places kisses down the column of my neck.
“Yeah. Alex came over and she helped me look at online courses.” I lean into him, letting him tilt my head so he can have better access to the front of my neck.
“You decided to take some photography courses?”
“Yeah, if it’s okay with you?”
He spins me and lifts me onto the counter, tucking himself between my legs. “Are you kidding? Of course I’m okay with it. I love that you’ve decided to pursue it. I’ve seen how happy you are when you’re taking pictures, and hell, designing spaces.”
“I’m excited, thank you for encouraging me.”
“Always, baby. Nobody will ever encourage you more than I do. Now, what do you say we eat this lasagne before it gets cold?” He kisses me then lifts me off the counter, smacking my arse as he pushes me towards the table.
