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The address leadsus to a holiday rental close to the beach, a private apartment in a small complex, which means there’s no reception desk to ask about them or show the pictures. We park a few hundred metres down the street with the low-rise building in view. The apartment is opposite a lawned area, and trees act as a barrier between the building and the road, the entrance along a narrow lane. Liam’s white hatchback hire car is less conspicuous than his normal choice and he suggests we wait in the car.
I watch everybody that passes like a cat stalking its prey, coiled ready to run out and grab Ella. Each minute that passes the more pressure builds in my head. If I don’t see her soon, I’ll leave the car and look for her. Where? I don’t know.
Most of the passersby come to and from the beach, holidaymakers enjoying the warm sun. As the sun lowers, the number of people leaving increases. A little girl and a man head from the direction of the beach toward us and I lean forward, straining my eyes as I wait for them to come into view. Something in the man’s gait is familiar; after years with Craig I’m confident I can spot him from a distance.
The salad I ate earlier churns in my knotting stomach as the pair continue to walk along the path on the opposite side of the road. I move to open the car door and Liam touches my hand.
“No. If it’s them, let Craig walk inside and we’ll go to the apartment.”
The brown-haired girl across the road wears a pink swimming costume, the same one I packed in her bag over two weeks ago. I choke her name in a sob and scrabble with the door handle.
Liam grips my hand. “No, don’t. Wait.”
I yank my hand away. “You don’t understand; I can’t sit here!”
“Cerys! Wait like I said, please.”
He fights to get hold of my arms as lash out, catching them in a strong grip. “I can’t sit here! You don’t understand! If Ella wasyourdaughter, you would!” I shout at him.
Liam drops his hold, and I recognise the instant hurt in his eyes before he looks away. I hesitate, torn between charging across the road to Ella and fixing the terrible thing I said to Liam. “I didn’t mean...”
Liam doesn’t speak, a muscle twitching in his cheek as he stares ahead.
“Liam?”
If won’t to talk to me.I throw open the car door and run across the road in my thin sandals.
“Ella!”
Ella looks over. Craig holds her hand and when Ella tries to pull away, he stops her. “Mummy!”
“Omigod, Ella! Are you okay?” Reaching them, I kneel down and hold my daughter to my chest as if I let her go she’ll disappear again. Ella’s hot from a day in the sun and smells of sunscreen. I kiss her cheek, and bury my face into her hair.
Gripping Ella to stop myself hitting him, I stare up at Craig’s ashen face. “Why?” I ask.
“Daddy said your phone was broken. I wanted to talk to you.” Ella reaches a hand out and touches me cheek. “Why are you crying? Didn’t you want to see me?”
“Of course I did, baby, I’m just really happy and that made me cry.” I hold both of her cheeks in my hand and kiss her soft face.
Craig drops Ella’s hand and continues to stare at me, not speaking. His brown eyes are darker due to the black circles beneath and I don’t think the pale stress on his face is only due to this moment. I glance over my shoulder to where Liam remains in the car.
“I thought she’d like a holiday,” he says finally.
“Without telling me? Refusing to contact me? That’s not a holiday!”
“Daddy said we could live by the sea, but I said I wanted to live near my friends at home.”
I narrow my eyes at Craig, as his daughter unravels his lies. A young couple passes us, hand in hand, heading to the beach with their towels. They glance at us curiously, and I meet the concerned eyes of the blonde-haired woman. I look away.
“Are you on your own?” Craig asks as the couple continues on.
“You mean are the police with me?” I snap.
“No, I mean ishewith you.”
I push myself upright and stand as close to him as I can without touching, itching to smack his face with my shaking hand. “You mean Liam? Yes. He’s spent the last two weeks with me looking for Ella.”
We stare at each other for a few moments as I try to regain control of my breathing. Craig looks impassive, as if he has nothing to lose in the situation.
I draw a ragged breath. “Craig, where are you staying? Can we talk?”
Craig doesn’t answer because Liam appears at my shoulder. The two men regard each other silently, but I know Craig well enough to see that he’s intimidated by Liam. Craig shifts his gaze to me.
“Hey, Ella,” says Liam quietly but doesn’t touch her.
Ella looks up at her dad as if seeking permission to talk to Liam and my anger grows when she doesn’t respond. What has Craig said to her? If I hurt Liam with my outburst in the car, Ella just rubbed salt into the wound.
“I don’t think we should do this in the street,” says Liam to Craig in a cold voice.
“Fine, we’ll talk,” says Craig stiffly.
