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43
LIAM
An exhausted Ceryssleeps with Ella in her arms upstairs, and I sit in the lounge room of our Cardiff house considering where we go from here. Following the hysteria of our meeting with Craig, we travelled back to Rome and out of the country before he made another move. Finally home in the early hours, a spaced out Cerys took Ella to bed and lay down with her. We’ve barely spoken. Cerys’s full attention has been on her daughter from the moment we left Craig in the apartment, as if she dropped her concentration for a second Ella might disappear.
I don’t know if the threat of more violence or my lawyers caused Craig to back off, probably a little of both. He’s threatened to go to the police over the mess I made of his face, but he’s fucking lucky I stopped at a couple of punches. Only by holding Ella in my mind and knowing she’d hate me for hurting her dad, could I stop myself pummelling the bastard into unconsciousness.
The mess of the last couple of weeks tipped everything sideways. Life with Cerys would always be different, but when I reconnected with her, I never expected to be involved in custody battles and child abduction. The uselessness I felt in the time we were in Italy is new to me; I’ve always been able to fix things by handing money to the right person. Not this time.
Cerys’s words when we found Ella cut to my heart— how she accused me of not caring enough because Ella isn’t my daughter. I didn’t only help Cerys find Ella because I wanted to help her mum; I did everything for Ella. The reason I wouldn’t let Cerys look at those parental abduction sites? Because I couldn’t handle it. She wasn’t the only one with visions of Ella hurt and frightened. Between them, Cerys and Ella have my heart in a strong grip, holding me in their lives.
A noise in the hallway alerts me. Cerys stands watching, a grey blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Her brown hair is tangled and the haunted look remains, but she’s acknowledging me, instead of lost in her own thoughts.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“No, but better than I was a day ago.” Cerys curls up on the sofa next to me. “How are you?”
“Confused. This whole thing has been a major head fuck.”
“That’s one way of putting it.” She pulls the blanket closer. “Does that mean you’ll leave tomorrow?”
“What the...?” I struggle for a response. “Do you mean you want me to go?”
“No.” Cerys places a hand on my leg. “I thought you might’ve had enough drama and want some space.”
“This isn’t finished, Cerys, you still need help, and I’m not going anywhere until you feel more secure.” When her shoulders relax, I realise she’s worried about this. “How can I be somewhere else if I’m consumed by worrying about you?”
“I’m sorry about what I said in the car,” she says quietly. “After everything you did for me and Ella that was selfish. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
I drop back against the sofa and reach out a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does matter. I saw how much I hurt you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met; I can never thank you enough for holding me together the last couple of weeks when I couldn’t cope.”
“I’m here for you always, Cerys,” I say. “Always.”
The woman I embrace moulds her body and soul to mine, the tension held within her and between us ebbing away as I encompass her in my arms. The fierce love I have for Cerys will never wane, now as automatic as breathing.
Cerys cheek rests against my chest. “Your heart’s beating very fast,” she whispers, “are you alright?”
I tip my face to kiss the top of her head. “Every time you listen to my heart, I want you to remember one thing. Until the day my heart stops, it belongs to and beats for you – always remember that.”
Cerys burrows further into me, pressing her face harder against my chest as if burrowing further into my heart and soul. Cerys doesn’t need to. She’s there, always.
