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“Well, anyway I need some counseling. Well Roadkill thinks I do anyways.”
She heard a chuckle before Doc spoke, “It’s okay, sometimes we all need a new friend to talk to. I’d be happy to speak to you. Matter of fact, I just finished up with my client and I don’t have another one until later this afternoon.”
“Oh, well that is unexpected. I thought I should make an appointment or something.” Topaz wasn’t sure she was ready to be tossed into the fire like this.
“It’s okay. If I have time now, we might as well get started, at least with the basics,” Doc said. “I prefer facetiming, any chance we could?”
Topaz let her know her email address and soon a link was there for her to click. Swallowing down her fear and finding a doorstop to jam under the door, she was closed in the best she could be.
With a click, the screen filled with a black box and a small phone icon in the center. Soon, a bright light flashed and a woman with African American features, but paler skin smiled brightly from a sun soaked room. Windows behind her created a halo around the edges of her thick afro. With boldly colored lips and defined eyes, Doc’s sweet voice did not match the beautiful dark eyes. “So, do you prefer Sarah or Topaz?” she asked.
“Topaz.”
“Alright, Topaz, why does Roadkill think you should talk to me?”
“Well, I’m kinda stuck in a rut. Don’t know where I want to be in the future. Basically lately, I’ve felt like I have no purpose.” The last time Topaz spoke to a shrink, they’d had little interest in what she really wanted or could even figure it out. This time, she’d stick to the lie, with a sprinkling of truth. “Or direction.”
“Okay, so you say you have no purpose. What do you do now?”
“I handle all the women at the Roadside. I make up the schedules and make sure everyone is doing their job. Dance, but not as much as I used to.”
“You miss it?” Doc asked. “The dancing?”
“Um, I guess, I mean the tips are good, but the club understood I’d be losing out on those, so they compensate.” Topaz sat back in the chair, staring at the woman on the screen
“So it was just the money?” she asked. “When you danced, was it only the money you enjoyed?”
.“No,” Topaz admitted. “There’s a freedom most times. Getting lost in the music. I wouldn’t even see the bills until the song was over.”
“Do you have other ways to relax, zone out? Do you ride?”
“I never got my own bike. I’m more of a hold on and enjoy the view type of girl.”
“I’ve spoken to others in your group who say even rides as short as a few miles can break through a mental block, is it the same when you’re behind a guy?”
“Maybe,” she replied and began picking with her nails. “With the right guy I suppose.”
Doc scribbled a few notes on a pad, allowing Topaz time to reflect on her first ride. The one she never spoke of because she was barely seventeen and her mother would have killed her. The boy had borrowed his older brother’s crotch rocket. Not one of the sweet, smooth Harleys the men of the Steel MC rode. Still, the mix of the engine, her arms wrapped tightly to his body and—
“You said most times.”
Doc’s voice broke through the memory, and Topaz wiped at her cheek because a warm wetness somehow escaped her eye. Thankfully, she did it before Doc’s eyes turned from her note pad.
“What about other times?”
“Other times, it’s a control thing.” Topaz searched for another reason she might miss the pole. “Fifty eyes on you, all wanting you, men or just one man who can only go as far as you allow. Lead him by the nose all around the club, all the while he thinks he’s in charge.”
“That’s empowering,” Doc said as she leaned forward in her chair. “Your job now, I would say that is a pretty demanding job. Control is there right?”
“It’s different with women,” Topaz admitted. “Besides, it’s not like it’s hard to make a schedule.”
“You do more than a schedule, it sounds like you’ve accomplished a lot for them, don’t you? Isn’t the bar successful?”
Topaz intertwined her fingers and raised her arms above her head to stretch. “I guess,” she replied with a heavy sigh before dropping her arms.
“Now, you feel you’re placeholding your life?”
“Well, it’s not something I can see myself doing in the future. I grew up in a happy loving home. Cheerleader dating the quarterback and Homecoming queen, all that in high school. I had a path. You know checking off boxes to move to the next level.”
