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Would it work? We did pretty good for a few weeks. I’d been there with and for him until things got heavy. Until Noah unwittingly hit my vulnerable spot. Maybe I could do it again in a bigger, better way.
But what if I can’t? What if it’s not enough? What if I hurt him irreversibly in the end?
“Thanks for everything, you two,” I tell my brothers’ wives. “Your support has meant a lot to me these last few days.”
“Anytime. But Noah loves you,” Britta says.
“I know.”
He’s never given me a real reason to question that. And when I consider that fact, I wonder again if I’m crazy to throw away the kind of adoration and devotion most people spend their whole lives wishing for.
“I’ll say what Britta is too polite to tell you,” Keeley cuts in. “You’re being a moron.”
Despite the pain tearing through my chest, I have to laugh. “I deeply suspect that.”
That doesn’t mean I know how to just get over myself. Does anyone? I’ve met people who were their own worst enemy and wondered why they couldn’t find their fucking gumption and just fix it. But I get now that life isn’t always simple. Fear isn’t rational. Getting over your internal scars enough to carry on again is a bit like committing to a lifestyle change. And like a diet, it doesn’t work instantly. It’s a concerted effort, a commitment—an adjustment of mindset.
I don’t lack grit. I could definitely live with Noah again. I’d love to…at least for a while. But what happens if I fall off the wagon? How badly will he be hurt? And what if I drag our baby through our breakup? This isn’t just about him and me anymore.
Is the joy worth the possible price later, especially since I fear Noah will pay so heavily?
“I know you’re probably tired of me dishing out songs for every occasion but music really helps me think.” Keeley shrugs. She is who she is. “If you’ll open your phone for me, I’ll download you some music I picked that might help you.”
She means well, and it can’t hurt. Why the hell not?
As I hand her the device, I look Britta’s way. “I think…I’d like to talk to my brothers again. Are they still here?”
The sisters-in-law glance at one another again, this time as if they’re trying to decide who’s going to be the one to impart bad news. Finally, Britta sighs. “Maxon and Griff both received calls from the FBI about an hour ago. I knocked but… Your dad has been accused of embezzling from clients for the last twenty years. They’re alleging that your mom aided and abetted him. They’ve both been arrested. Your brothers were asked to come in and give statements as family members and former employees.”
As if the day wasn’t already full of revelations… This one steals my breath and grips my chest. But should I actually be surprised? If Barclay and Linda Reed weren’t above using their own children for their gain, why would they hesitate to abuse clients?
“Oh, my… Wow. I should have seen that coming.”
Keeley gives me an apologetic grin. “That’s pretty much what your brothers said. The FBI indicated they might need to talk to you at some point, but maybe not since you never worked for your father.”
I don’t have anything to add to a possible embezzlement indictment, but if they want witnesses about my parents’ character, I have plenty to say. I’m not vindictive…but they have a lot to answer for as parents and human beings. Maybe this is Karma’s way of getting things done.
“Whatever they need, sure.”
Keeley nods and hands my phone back. “The playlist is downloaded. I bookended you with the Beatles. I hope these songs help you.”
I’m about ready to launch it and start the packing I’ve been avoiding before tomorrow’s flight when the doorbell suddenly rings.
“And that will be Evan,” Britta says, rising to her feet.
“You invited him over?”
She turns back in the doorway. “No. He called and asked if he could see you.”
I can’t imagine why, but before I have a chance to ask, she’s out the door.
Keeley stands and gives me a hug. “We’ll set him up in the study. Head in there when you’re ready.”
“Now’s as good a time as any.” I shrug.
“You might want to fix yesterday’s smudged mascara. And put on a bra.”
I have to laugh at myself. I’ve been so up in my head that I totally didn’t think about taking off my old makeup or the fact that I didn’t have the mental energy to get fully dressed today.
