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My mother reminded me of that every chance she got, and now that I’d lost the paralegal job, I had nothing to point to in order to distract her.
“The LSAT, yeah,” I said. I took a deep breath.
“You know what, I know you’re going to be short on money,” she continued. “I’ll pay for the prep course.”
The mass in my stomach was taking over my whole torso.
“I have to go,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll start looking for courses nearby.”
I swallowed. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Okay, love you, Mom! Bye!”
The mass had spread through my whole body, throbbing, dizzying me. This happened a lot. Like, twice a day, thereabouts. Hence the gut intimacy. I usually chalked it up to student loan–related anxiety, and tried to nail the source of this particular spell: Deeply hungry? Too full? Did I have to pee? Let’s go with hungry, I told my gut. I grabbed a granola bar and bit into the stale oats, trying to keep my head from spinning.
My phone buzzed. I expected a harried text from Mom, but it was Toby.
Plans tonight?
I smiled. A text on a day we didn’t have band practice? And before midnight? This was new. When the traffic stopped, I started replying, Maybe I’ll come over after work, but stopped. I’d let him wait. Toby was a tall, long-haired Cat Stevens lookalike who played a musical instrument. In Austin. He’d be fine. I was probably one of three women who received that text anyway.
My phone buzzed again. It was Nora, who was working bar-back. Where are you?
Traffic, I texted back. Be there ASAP. Also, whatever, Nora.
I got her this job, so she can’t pretend like she’s all responsible. If it wasn’t for me, she’d be on her couch three bong rips in, trying to figure out the bass part to “Psycho Killer.”
I needed to show Mom I was serious. An album by The Loyal, perhaps. As yet unnamed. Maybe a color. Toby had suggested naming it Lorraine, after his cat. We’d have to record it first. The rest—the health care, the money—would fall in line after that. My gut rumbled again, disagreeing.
“What do you know?” I asked it aloud, turning up the music to full blast. “Just eat your granola and be happy.”
