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Pulling my knees up, I hooked my ankles around his thighs. I dragged my hands up his sides and wrapped my arms around his strong back.
My mind flew once again through the facts, searching for a nonexistent loophole, so I could hold this beautiful man. Coming up with nothing, it hit me that this would probably be our last time together.
Grief wrapped her fist around my heart and squeezed. I sobbed into his mouth.
He pulled back, a heavy sheen covering his own eyes, and kissed the tears that escaped my closed lids.
“Ruby-mine,” he whispered. “We’ll find a way. I promise.”
I couldn’t see how, but I didn’t argue. Instead, I pulled his dark head closer and kissed him with all the love I had in my heart. I tipped my hips to allow him entrance, and he plunged inside with a sigh.
“I can’t give you up, Ruby-mine,” he whispered, his lips trembling against mine.
The tears abated as our kisses became more desperate, and he ramped up his pace inside me. I curled my legs around his and cried out his name, shattering around him as my heart splintered into a million tiny pieces.
He tucked his face into my neck as he came, and my mind clung to the exquisite perfection of him pulsing with life inside me. I pressed my cheek against his temple and held him tight, counting the minutes until I had to let him go.
He quietly tossed his things in his bag, then threw his bag in the trunk of my little blue Mazda 323. We drove in silence to the Go-Station, our hands linked tightly on his hard thigh, the silence between us thick with sadness and dread.
I tucked my scarf snugly around my neck to ward off the icy November wind. He held me close against his warmth as we crossed the parking lot to the other side of the station, where I could accompany him no further.
The station was busy enough to help me hold it together.
Vander turned toward me and encircled me with his arms. His tall frame sheltered me from the wind while people passed us on either side, heading in both directions.
I could barely feel him through the bundled layers of winter clothing between us, but I pressed closer anyway.
“Promise me,” he urged, pulling back slightly, his dark eyes searching mine. “Promise me you’ll think this through. It doesn’t have to be over.”
I nodded. It was easier than arguing. In any case, grief on top of grief, from loss upon loss, squeezed my throat closed.
I pressed my forehead to his lips. “Vander, I love you,” I whispered. “But you have to go. You’re going to miss your train.”
A shudder raced through his long body while he wrapped me up tight for one last moment. “Don’t forget about me, Ruby-mine.”
I hiccoughed. “I could never.”
“I’ll always be here for you.” He palmed my face and dipped to look into my eyes. “We’ll work it out. Somehow, we’ll work it out. What we have is too special.”
I swallowed hard but didn’t answer. I knew what the end would be. Three thousand miles between us and not two pennies to rub together did not equal a viable long-distance relationship. We were over.
I knew it.
He must have known it, too.
He hugged me tightly one last time, his lips pressed firmly against my forehead, then he released me abruptly and strode away.
My stomach pitched and rolled at the sudden loss of his warmth. The bitter wind slapped my cheeks, and I prayed to keep my breakfast down, at least until he got on the train.
“Don’t look back, don’t look back,” I whisper pleaded, my face chilled from my tears, my eyes frozen on his retreating form.
Halfway down the pathway that led to the train, he stopped. The sounds of the people and the tracks receded into the background. All my attention homed in on his back.
“Oh, God!” I sobbed. I slapped my cold fingers over my mouth.
Turn around. Please.
He was too far away to hear me, but if he turned, he would witness the despair I could no longer hide. If he turned, I wouldn’t be strong enough to let him go. If he turned, our parting would be delayed, and our love would sour.
