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Chapter 16 – Use Me
Ruby
Wednesday morning, I went to work with a plan.
Not knowing when Vander would show up was giving me ulcers and whiplash. Every time the door opened, my head whipped around. Scanning the front door, and the slice of sidewalk outside the front window, became my new hobby. The ringing of the phone startled me, and I couldn’t stay in the back for any length of time in case I missed hearing him come in. Today, if he came, I would negotiate with him. If he wanted to see me, he could call me and let me know he’d be dropping by.
I nodded to myself as I parked my car. I could keep him away from Jace, and just plain keep him away, until I figured out what to do about him. After finishing my prep work, I settled at my regular table and opened my day timer.
A thought wriggled in through my subconscious. Would it be so bad to let him in? Yes, I thought emphatically. Yes, it would.
The strength of my desire to dive back in scared me. I’d barely survived the first time I lost him. The second time ruined me for anyone else. If he left me again, well, I couldn’t even entertain the idea without breaking into a sweat. I could not risk falling apart when I had Jace and Yiayia to worry about.
The last time Vander walked away, I vowed to move on with my life. I had taken steps to do just that when I found out I was pregnant. After I had Jace, he became my focus and my purpose. I remembered the slimy mess of him as he broke from my body. I looked at him and saw nothing but potential loss and heartbreak, and I embraced him completely despite my fear.
That was more than a decade ago.
A decade.
In some ways, I found myself back where I started, looking at franchising Spuds. I always seemed to be ten years behind. It would be challenging, but I knew how to work hard, and the payoff would be worth it. Franchising would get me out from behind the counter and give me a little more freedom. More importantly, it would bring more income that would go a long way to securing Jace’s future, and could help with care for Yiayia if she needed it later.
That is where my future lay. That is where I needed to place my focus and my energy.
The door opened. I didn’t need to look up to know it was Vander. Every fibre of my being went on alert, my very hair follicles tightened in anticipation. Goose pimples spread up my arms, down my legs, and the bottom dropped out of my stomach. I stubbornly kept my head down. I breathed in for three, held my breath for four, and slowly released it for a count of five.
Long legs stepped into my peripheral vision, and his strong hand pulled the chair out across from me. He sat down slowly and leaned his elbows on the table.
I dropped my chin to my chest. Caught in a battle between my heart and my brain, I could see no way forward that wasn’t going to hurt.
“Ruby-mine,” he whispered. “Do you really want me to go?” His voice was pained.
Tears welled in my eyes and dropped onto the table in front of me. He reached out a hand and touched his forefinger to cover one of my teardrops.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured, “but I don’t know if I can avoid it at this point. If I stay, I’m hurting you. If I leave, I’m hurting you.”
I nodded in agreement. I touched my forefinger to his, the first time I’d touched him in over a decade. Something akin to oxygen flooded my veins. I pulled in a shuddering breath.
“I had a plan this morning.”
He turned his hand over, and slid it under my palm, the touch more steadying than intoxicating. Something about lining up matching body parts both soothed me and thrilled me on a visceral level. He closed his fingers gently around mine.
“Tell me about your plan,” he coaxed softly.
I allowed my hand to rest in his, and took comfort from his touch and his deep, soothing voice.
“I was going to tell you that you have to call me before you come, so that I’m ready for you and not nervous. I was going to tell you that you can’t come at a time when Jace might be here, because I don’t want to involve him. I was going to tell you that we are different people now, and our time is over.” More tears fell. The thought of pushing him away broke my heart, but allowing myself to hope for a future with him had the power to break all of me.
He squeezed my fingers gently. “How about this. You agree to go out with me on Friday or Saturday night, and I won’t come into the store for the next couple of days.”
I looked up to see the brackets around his mouth deeper than I’d ever seen them. His eyes held mine steadily. The resignation, regret, and sorrow that marked his gaze ten years ago was absent. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I saw in his eyes, but it wasn’t resignation.
Go out with him on Friday or Saturday? Could I do that? “I don’t know if I can do that, yet.”
He smiled. “Yet. That might be the most beautiful word that I’ve ever heard pass your lips.”
I smiled back at him, drawn in by his charm despite myself.
“Give me your cell phone, koukla mou,” he quietly demanded.
