AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“What is the scariest part of being with him?”
I didn’t answer, but Ezinne possessed unearthly amounts of patience and never felt compelled to fill the silence. Instead, she permitted me space and time to know my own mind.
“There are two things,” I began slowly. “The first is that I fall for him and I’m not enough, or perhaps I am too much.”
She hummed her acceptance of my statement.
“The second is the little one, Brayleigh. She’s going to turn my recovery on its’ head,” I whispered.
I heard the lie in my words even before Ezinne spoke.
“It’s not recovery if you’re still avoiding. And, Minty, you are still avoiding.”
“It’s not as bad anymore,” I protested weakly.
“Do you have those boys over for sleepovers by themselves? Or do they always have to come in pairs?”
She was referring to Jace and Alex, and now George. I never had them on their own. The visuals were too much to handle. They frightened me more than any other thing. “In pairs.”
“Why?”
The shame of it all was inescapable. Admitting to this type of OCD crushed my spirit. Confessing my self-doubt felt tantamount to an admission of guilt. “Just in case it’s not OCD. Just in case I am the monster it says I am, and I lose control. They are safer with me if they are not alone.”
“You know in your heart it’s OCD.”
“I do. But my brain won’t let it go without exposure and response prevention and it feels like too great a risk.”
Ezinne drummed her fingers on her desk. “You know, when you are cerebral, as you and I are, it’s counterintuitive to ignore our brains in lieu of listening to our hearts. There are cases when our hearts know better.”
A tear rolled down my cheek.
I didn’t bother to wipe it away.
It was loss.
And it demanded a witness.
Silence rested easy between us for several minutes.
“Okay.” I broke the silence and smiled at her wryly. “I’ll work on it.”
“That’s good, Minty. You’re filled to the brim with love. It would be a shame to deny yourself the joy of a good man and the love of a child if that’s what you want.”
After eating breakfast with Ezinne and the girls, I headed into work where I found Junie cooing over Rena while Willa sorted through the mess at her desk.
“What happened?” Willa asked. “You look like you’ve had less sleep than I have.”
“It’s Lucky,” I said and watched as the brows of both ladies contracted into frowns. ‘No, no. He didn’t do anything wrong. I did.”
I relayed the events, skipping over the finer details, but finishing with the coffee shop. “He was so angry. Insulted. He said I had twenty-four hours to get my head on straight or he’d do it for me.”
Junie looked at Willa, wrinkled her nose, and nodded. “That’s kind of hot.”
Willa laughed in agreement, then turned to me. “I’m sorry, Minty. I think we set him up for this. We shouldn’t have undermined him.” She rubbed her hands up and down her thighs. “We felt like we needed to give you a heads up.” She looked back at Junie again. “Now I feel like we owe you both an apology.”
I stood up with a sigh. “No. It’s me that owes him an apology.” I reached my hands out toward Junie. “Give me that baby. You’ve hogged her for long enough.”
I open my arms wide and drop the baby on the floor.
