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CHAPTERTWO
It was nearly noon when Jonan McKay awoke from his slumber that day. He rolled out of bed and onto the floor, unable to get back up.
He had no desire to do anything. It had been like this for years, ever since his wife died. The days passed slowly, and the nights even more so. Everything in the world seemed to be at odds with him, as if he were trapped in an endless cycle of torture.
Jonan laboriously drew himself up until he was leaning against his bed. He reached for the bottle of rum he'd left on his dresser the night before. On most days, hedrew himself out of his restand avoided hitting the bottle until noon. That was not the case today.
For hehad a dream that took him back in time.
He cracked open the rum and let the hot liquid burn a path down his throat. He grimaced at the bitter taste of the alcohol but took another sip, throwing itaway onceit was empty. He then leaned against his bed and closed his eyes.
It was just another day.
I have nae luck, he thought as he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Beyond the chandelier was simple darkness, and it reminded him of the void that was now in his heart.
“Milaird,” he heard a knock on the door. Jonan closed his eyes again, not in the mood for visitors. For a long time, he had not been in the mood to see anyone.
His duty as a laird to his clan meant that he couldn't stay alone for long. His heart was bitter. For months, he had considered leaving the clan and moving somewhere far away, where no one would find or know of him; somewhere where he would not be constantly reminded of his grief... but he couldn't. He had promised Magda that he would look after Leah and, by the Gods, he would.
Shame engulfed him — heused to be powerful and strong, someone who would never evadehis duties.
Who have I become? he thought to himself.
The knock came again. “Laird McKay,” the familiar voice came again. “I ken that ye are awake, milaird.”
Aye, I am awake. I just wish for nae guests. Jonan kept quiet even though he knew he could not hide forever.
Callan, his most trusted ally, was standing outside the door.Still, Jonan lay motionless on the floor.
“Father!” Jonan’s eyes flew open as he heard the gentle voice of his daughter, Leah.
Leah is here. Jonan got off the floor quickly and grabbed a shirt from his drawer, wanting to look presentable.
“Laird McKay.” Callan repeated.
With a groan, Jonan pushed open the door.
“A wonderful mornin’ to ye, Leah. How was yer night?” he asked. She sat with her arms folded across her chest, as if she had been forced to come.It appears that his daughter, thoughyoung, heldagrudge against him; feeling the burden of his neglected to her and hisclan. No matter how hard Jonan tried to mend the growing riftbetween him and his daughter, he always ran into a painful brick wall.
Leah was only four years old, but she looked exactly like her mother, and hewas deeply saddened every time he saw her. Everyone in the keep could see Jonan's growing absence from the girl's life, but he couldn't deny his sorrows forthey overwhelmed him.
Heextended his long arms and smiled. wantingher to love him,she was his only remaining family after all—his own flesh and blood.
Leah, however, remained motionless. Callannudged the girl forward, and findingherself near her father, shereluctantly walked into his waiting arms.
Jonan tightly hugged herbefore abruptly lifting her off the floor. Leah screamed with delight, making him smilefor the first time in weeks as a bright grin spread across herface.
She is innocent and has nothing to do with her mother’s death, he tried to remind himself as he danced with his daughter.
“She never laughs this hard when she plays with the other children, milaird,” Callan said. Guilt prickled his conscience, but he did not comment.
Magda had been gone only a short while, but he was already failing her—just like he had failed to keep her alive.
“She should play more with children her age,” Jonan said before putting Leah back down. The young girl's eyes welled up with tears but he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes again. So he turned away as Callan approached to collect her.
“For ye, milaird,” Callan said, tending Jonan a note.
He looked down on it, then sighed. “I shall see ye before the day ends,” Jonan said to Leah. Dismayed, she nodded and sniffed back her tears as she was led out of the room.
