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Chapter Twenty-One
Ivy
They walked around the ruins of Therline, and Ivy’s mind was consumed with Fin’s hunt for an assassin and the possible connection to her brother. It was true that the conversation she’d had with him after returning from York had left her shaken and with plenty of questions. It had made her suspicious. But she had somehow convinced herself that she was being overly suspicious, that she was simply letting the situation dictate her feelings.
Talking to Fin, though, had reignited those fears and suspicions. It had reawakened her doubts and the conflict that raged within her. She still felt caught between loyalty to her family and seeing justice done. But the situation needed to be resolved, and Fin needed to find the assassin, no matter who it might be, if for no other reason than to see Gillian’s attempted murderer brought to justice.
With all of that going through her mind, it was hard for her to focus on Fin. And at that moment, he was all she wanted to focus on. He made her feel things nobody ever had before. As the Lady Welton, she was expected to behave a certain way. There was a decorum that a woman of her station was expected to adhere to at all times of the day. It was only behind closed doors, usually with Mira, that Ivy allowed herself to relax and be closer to who she was than she could normally be. But even still, even with Mira, she felt herself hold back.
With Fin, though, she did not feel that way. She did not feel that she had to change or alter her behavior. She did not feel that she had to put on airs or be somebody she was not. There were no pretenses required. When she was with Fin, she felt she could be her truest self. That was something new. Something she’d never felt in her entire life. And it felt good.
“I need tae ask ye tae dae somethin’ for me,” Fin said.
As they passed, the crumbling remains of a large structure drew her attention. She had been a baby when Therline fell, and she did not remember it, but she had heard the stories more times than she could count. When her father and his men were in their cups and boasting about their military conquests, the massacre at Therline was always held up as undeniable proof of the savagery of the Scots.
As if we English do not have our fair share of massacres and atrocities under our own belts.
“What is it you need me to do?” she asked.
Fin cleared his throat. “I need ye tae watch yer braither,” he said.
“Watch him?”
He nodded. “Aye. I need tae ken what he’s doin’. I need tae ken what he says and who he meets with,” Fin explained. “With the Duke recoverin’, I expect at some point, another attempt is goin’ tae be made tae kill him. And I’d like tae ken before it happens.”
They walked on from the crumbling ruins as Ivy’s mind churned with a thousand different thoughts and emotions. But through the fog in her mind, one bright, shining feeling emerged: anger. Perhaps it was because it was the easiest to cling to, but the idea that he had played upon her feelings for him made her face burn with a deep, abiding indignation. She rounded on Fin, her eyes narrowed, and her jaw clenched.
“Was this your plan the entire time?” she hissed. “Was getting me to spy on my brother for you the only reason you wanted to see me?”
Fin looked taken aback by the ferocity in her voice and stared at her wide-eyed for a long moment. He looked at her as if he did not know what to say at first. But he cleared his throat and stood up a bit straighter.
“Nay, lass. Tis nae the only reason I wanted tae see ye,” he said.
Ivy opened her mouth to reply but closed it again without speaking, flustered, and unable to form a coherent word, as her anger coursed through her. The idea that he was using her for his own ends, using her to gather information on her brother, enraged her so much, she was beginning to tremble.
Deep down on some level, she knew that she was irrational. She knew she was lashing out because of how uncomfortable the entire situation made her. The idea of spying on Castor made her feel uneasier than anything she’d ever experienced in her life. But she knew it was the fear of what she might find if she did as he asked that upset her the most. And that was making her lash out.
She looked at Fin, her vision shimmering with tears she was stubbornly refusing to let fall. Ivy sniffed them back and clenched her jaw tight. She held his gaze firmly, doing her best to control the trembling in her body. As Fin looked back at her, there was such warmth and compassion in his eyes that it made her heart lurch.
He had such an unexpected and profound impact on her that was effortless for him. He could make her feel things on such a deep, emotional level, all seemingly without even trying. She did not understand it, but Fin could lay her bare and see deep inside of her, make her feel things she never had before with nothing more than a glance or a word.
And thinking the only reason he wanted to see and spend time with her for nothing more than a political agenda made her feel as if her heart was shattering into a million pieces like fragile crystal.
“Th - then what was the other reason?” she stammered. “What other reasons did you have for wanting to see me?”
He reached out and gently tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear and gave her a soft smile.
“Because I care about ye, Ivy,” he said. “Because I enjoy spendin’ time with ye.”
“And because you need a spy inside my brother’s castle,” she growled.
Fin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Tis true. I need yer help. I wish I didnae need tae ask for yer help, but I dae,” he said. “But believe me when I tell ye, I’d want tae spend time with ye anyway.”
Ivy let out a long breath, and hearing the sincerity in his voice, left her feeling somewhat mollified. She believed that he wanted to spend time with her. It made her stomach churn once more, but this time for very different reasons. It filled her with a warmth that brought a smile to her face.
“There it is,” Fin said. “There’s that smile I love so well.”
His words made her laugh and banished the darkness that had been welling up within her. That was the effect he had on her. He could shine a light down on even the darkest places inside of her. But fragments of her trepidation remained. She still did not like the idea of being a spy inside her brother’s keep.
