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It hurt deep, hard, and long. Pulsing, ripping and screaming through me. I wanted to rip into something. I wanted to make someone feel just as horrid as I did. It was a shameful thought.
"You don't trust me, and I get it." My voice was strained and low, but it was too important to show my strength at Lex's pointed challenge, so I clenched my fists and held firm. Tzidal took a careful step toward Joon, her legs shaking as if trying to fight off the urge to run."But I don't want to fight you, or hurt you, or force you to abandon your cause. Your path is your own, just like mine." My chest heaved, exhaustion pulling hard within me, but my anger was building, giving me strength.
"What do you want?" Lex challenged, tilting his chin up and looking me hard in the eye. My eyes pulsed red, and I grew dizzy, even the smallest shift pushing my body too far.
For a brief moment, fear took hold. What if Haxa couldn't help? What if I collapsed before we got there?
"There's no such thing as a lone wolf," Lex said. "Loyalty is in your blood. All you pack creatures follow someone or something. The tethers of obeying your Moon work against you in that regard. So, who do you follow?"
"Right now, I'm following a path to the witch. Once he's better," I flung a hand out toward Joon, "I can leave you with a clear conscience and follow the Black River home."
Lex snorted and shook his head. "You really expect me to believe you're just going to skip off into the night? Leave us to do whatever we want?"
Tzidal's eyes pulled down, unable to look at me any longer.
She didn't trust me either.
My blood boiled, and my head spun. After everything we'd been through and the sacrifices I had made, they still saw me as a wolf with no honor. It shouldn't matter, but it did.
After all, I destroyed their lives—I killed her and Joon's mates. I deserved their hatred. But I had hoped to leave them, knowing I had done something right in this world to fix the pain I had caused. However, it appeared I had accomplished nothing. The torment I created would follow me forever and prevent me from seeing the stars after my passing.
I was bound to the earth by their rage, peace forever outside my grasp. It was a fitting end.
My exhaustion quickly muted my wolf, and my arms were suddenly too heavy. I needed to sit down, but I was scared I would never get back up. "What can I do to make you believe me?" I asked.
Lex's jaw jutted out a bit, his mouth held in a tight line. Tzidal's eyes stayed fixed on her alpha.
"I helped you kill Hida," I said softly, unable to take their silence. "I attacked palace guards, my brothers, my pack. I lied and deceived for you. I have tried to set things right." Tzidal shook her head slightly but didn't look up. "I know I can't fix what I have done, what I took from you, but I have no intention of hurting anymore innocents." The air swirled with Tzidal's guilt and anger. Lex simply looked murderous.
Exhausted and raw, I snapped, "What else can I do?"
"You could kill yourself," Joon moaned at my feet.
Tzidal jumped about a foot into the air, flinging herself onto the grass next to him. "Joon!" she gasped. "You're awake!" Her hands trembled as they moved carefully over his face.
"I'm awake," he smiled weakly, his words strained and soft. He raised a hand, and it swayed unsteadily for a moment before bringing it to the omega's cheek. "Mine," he whispered, looking into her eyes.
I took a few steps back and turned my back to them. This was too private for an audience.
The siren kept his eyes firmly on the pair, his hands clasped under his chin. I swiped a hand at him, trying to get him to look away, but he only scoffed and turned his blissful expression back to the two wolves. I did not understand the three of them in the least.
"We're taking you to a witch," Tzidal said softly. "We should be there soon." There was a pause. "Right, Byriel? We're almost there?"
"Almost there," I said to the grass at my feet.
"Where," Joon sucked in a sharp breath, "are we?"
"North of Vaesen, west of Aberdeen," I answered.
"Far," he rasped out.
"Yes," Tzidal gave a breathy laugh. "We made it far. But we need to find you help. Your wound isn't healing as it should. Byriel is hurt too."
Joon grunted, and I turned to see him rolling slightly in an effort to sit up. Tzidal quickly placed a hand on his chest, careful not to touch his bandages, easing him back down.
"Don't move too much," Lex said, kneeling next to Tzidal and handing her the canister of water. She took it and immediately brought it to Joon's lips.
He drank deep, gulping as much as he could. Once he got his fill, Joon let his head fall back onto the grass and took several deep breaths. The simple movement drained him of his energy so quickly. The fact that he was awake was good for now, but it wasn't as promising as the omega had hoped. Joon was still very weak and needed help fast.
