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“Ray! What are you doing here?”
“Apparently, I'm just in time to hear the truth, Cass.”
May turned around and looked at Ray who stood looming over us. “Oh, Ray, I'm sure it's not what you think.”
“I'm afraid it is, May. I'll see you later, Cass.” Ray turned to walk back through the store and stopped just before stepping outside. “Oh, Cass, by the way I stopped by to let you know the names of the rescue workers were announced on the radio, Brody is one of them. They'll give up searching on Christmas Eve if they don't find them before that.” He opened the door, stepped outside, and slammed it shut at the same time my heart shattered into a million and one pieces.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cass
May stayed with me afterRay left. She shut and locked the store while I sat with my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking. My stomach hurt, and my chest ached. May helped me with closing, then gave me a hand to make sure everything was ready for tomorrow. We worked in silence, side by side. It was nice and comforting to know she was there.
“I don't think I can do this again, May.” They were the first words I had spoken in over an hour.
“What can't you do, dear?”
“I can't fall in love again, May, it's too hard.”
“Honey, you can't control that, and if you try, you are going to live a life full of regret.”
“But I've done this once, look where it got me. I lost him.”
“Cass, listen, most people are lucky to find love once in a lifetime. If it is indeed love you feel for Brody, you are one of the blessed ones to have found it twice. Don't throw away a great gift. My Sam passed away when I was only forty, and I vowed I would never let myself fall in love with another man. They came and went, but I stayed true to my word. But there was one fellow, only one I should have never let go. I think of him often and see him often, and every time I do, I wish I had taken that chance and opened myself back up to him.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “But May, what if he doesn't come back? What if they don't find him?”
She stood for a moment thinking. “Well, if they don't find him, then you will eventually pick yourself back up, dust yourself off like you've done before. You're too young to spend the rest of your life alone. I promise you will be okay. It may not seem like it now, but you will.”
“It hurts so much to think about that.”
“Then don't, take your thoughts of him not returning, ignore those, and think only thoughts of him returning to you.”
“You make it sound so easy, May,” I said, placing another handful of books out.
“Dear, I know it's not, but at the same time, it truly is. Christmas is the time for miracles, let’s believe in those. Now, I must go, and you should get home and get some rest too, maybe have a talk with Ray. Explain how you feel, you owe him that. Plus, you have a big day tomorrow, and you don’t want to look like crap when he comes back, do you?”
I wrapped my arms around her. “Thank you, May.”
“Oh, dear, you are very welcome.”
* * *
I droveup the mountainin silence on my way home. Instead of pulling in my driveway, I drove a little farther and pulled into Ray’s driveway. I owed him an explanation of what he had heard today. I shut the engine off and got out of the car. I just prayed I wouldn’t be entering in the middle of one of Ray’s drunken stupors.
I knocked on the door, the panic that rose in me scared the shit out of even me as I waited for him to answer. It was impossible I would be sick, but my empty stomach still threatened to turn on me. The door finally opened, and Ray looked out at me.
“What?”
“Can I come in?”
“What the hell for, I heard what you said to May.”
I looked down at my gloved hands. “I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
He glared at me, but eventually, pulled the door open a little further and let me in. He took my coat and led me into the living room, pointing to a spot on the couch.
“Did I make a mistake?” he started.
