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"What do you mean?"
"In the ocean," I explain.
"Now? It's too cold!" Her eyes go round in surprise, and I start laughing.
"I didn't say we would be swimming." I wink at her, and she frowns, unable to understand what I mean. "I prepared a surprise for your birthday."
Her face changes from normal to slightly upset, and she turns away immediately.
"You thought I didn't know?" I ask in surprise. I checked her file the day I realized that she was my student, and she knows that.
"I don't like to celebrate it," she says quietly, and I could swear she's lying.
"Why?"
"Why do you care?"
She faces me again, and I see anger in that look. But I know it's not toward me.
"Is it because of your parents?" I ask, ignoring her question. She's being rude because she's hurt. And I have to know how to change that.
"You wouldn't understand. You have a happy family," she says, a little bit calmer.
I know that arguing with her won't get us anywhere.
"I haven't been with a woman for more than two years," I say, changing the subject. Yes, I couldn't think of anything else to distract her. Or maybe I simply realized that it is time to tell her everything.
She looks at me again, and I can see shock mixed with distrust on her face.
"Yeah," I continue, "I wouldn't believe it myself either, but it's true. After I quit swimming, I was depressed and simply didn't want to date, but then I realized that I was impotent..." I shake my head, unable to find the right words. "I thought it would be forever, even though the doctors told me that it was not physical. I became angry, dissatisfied with my life. I distanced myself from friends and family. My parents are the only ones I still talk to. My mother is friends with Coach Fitz, and she asked me to help him, knowing that I wouldn't be able to say no to the person who made me a champion."
"And what happened then?" she asks when I stop talking, facing her again.
She was surprised before, but now she's as shocked as if she’d seen a white bear in the middle of the desert.
I reach out a hand and take hers, and she allows it. Our fingers intertwine.
"And then you happened." I smile, still unable to believe that I'm telling her all of this. "When you wrapped your arms around me to calm me down during that panic attack, I started to feel again. I was in some kind of trance at first, but when I began kissing you...I simply couldn'tnotkiss you,nottouch you. I’ve never felt this kind of attraction to anyone else before. And when I realized what had happened...when I saw how young you were...I got angry at myself, but instead of apologizing, I yelled at you."
Gabi squeezes my hand in hers as if convincing herself that this is real. She’s already forgotten about her sadness because now she looks at me with shock and interest.
"Isn't this the classic way to get a woman into bed?" She raises an eyebrow, and only after a couple of seconds do I realize that she's joking.
"Yeah, you've got me," I say, and we both smile.
It's so good to finally tell someone about it. I feel so calm next to this girl. To simply be sitting next to her makes my heart sing. To be able to tell her my deepest secrets is something I couldn't do with anyone else. And I don't feel shame at all. Only joy, pure joy that I’ve finally confessed.
I should tell her the rest of the story. She must know why I quit, and then she can decide if she still wants to be with me.
"My parents won't come," she says before I have a chance to start. "They said they would, but then they changed their mind. When I asked them why, they told me that ‘it's not like it's my graduation or something.’ They said that ‘I'll have many more birthdays, while an opportunity like this happens once in a lifetime.’ I kind of expected that but still got upset."
I knew something wasn't right with her family. They wouldn't leave their child like that if they were loving parents.
"They are not bad people," she continues, probably reading my mind. "They just don't need me in their lives, especially after I said that I want to become a professional swimmer, not a doctor like them."
"Don't say that. They do need you, otherwise they wouldn't pay for the school." I squeeze her hand harder in mine, unsure if what I’m saying is true. "They simply don't know what they’re missing out on."
"Thank you." She smiles a little, and I smile back. Our eyes peer into each other’s without even blinking.
