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After a moment of silence she nodded hesitantly and opened her mouth to say something. Max briefly closed his eyes with relief.Progress!
“I-I can’t believe that you kept how you felt about those people who died on the operating table from me. I’m sad but so mad at you as well for tellingherall that stuff about how you felt but you couldn’t share any of that with me and I’m soon to be your wife!” Her voice hitched up an octave.
“I was soothing her, calming her down, empathizing with her. Showing Sandy that I understood her pain was part of what diffused the situation. You are right, I haven’t really talked to you about how I felt. I guess because you seemed so deeply troubled with your own concerns over being my submissive. I’d like to know once and for all what that is all about. You know there is nothing wrong with just being a submissive in the bedroom and if that’s the way you want our relationship to go then I will adjust because I don’t want to lose you but I am not convinced that you are being totally honest or true to yourself.”
Josie shifted uneasily in her seat but remained silent.
“Josie?” he prompted after a moment.
“You made Sandy promises that I don’t want you to keep!” she stated, sounding petulant.
“Yeah, sure I did, butyoudon’t have to keep my promises. I intend to talk to her doctor before I have any contact with her, but if he or she thinks I can help Sandy come to terms with her grief, then I will be going to see her. I can promise you that the visit will be in a controlled environment with her doctor present, okay?”
She shrugged.
“I also want to find out if she’s got family anywhere who can offer her support. Did she ever mention having family to you?”
Josie shook her head. “No, come to think of it, she never did.”
“Look, I want to park the Sandy stuff for now and talk about how you feel about us. What is all this about being only a sub in the bedroom? Because I pretty much doubt that is the case but as I’ve said, if it is how you really feel I can work with that.”
He waited and the silence stretched until he thought he was going to have to push some more but suddenly she shifted position, then began hesitantly to talk.
“I don’t really know where to begin…”
“The beginning’s good.” He smiled encouragingly.
“Hmm… well, I guess things changed after I lost my mom—” She stumbled to a halt.
Silence.
He waited, watching the emotions flit across her face. Finally she sucked in a shaky breath and began speaking in a low voice. “You know that my mother died just before we first met?” He nodded. Reaching out he took her hand and held it, reassuringly running his thumb across the back of it, gently stroking her knuckles.
“Mom made it quite clear she disliked my grandparents’ lifestyle. She thought they were weird, kinky. She and Dad decided that I shouldn’t be left alone with them as a small child. When I grew older I found that I was drawn to spanking in movies and books but kept that knowledge to myself. I never once spoke to her about it and then, after she died, I met you. On the day you asked me to be your submissive, I’d found Grandma’s diary in a box of Mom’s stuff. I realized for the first time that Grandma and I were wired the same way.” She fell silent as she recalled Tabitha, her mom, with her sweet, quiet nature and gentle, vanilla ways.
Max cupped her cheek in his palm. “Go on. I’m listening, sweetheart.”
“When I moved into Corbin’s Bend, I was so excited about us starting a new life, moving in together and everything. Then I began to wonder what Mom would have said about my lifestyle choices. I worried that maybe I was being disrespectful to her memory, going against something she strongly believed was fundamentally wrong. I thought I could justify everything by convincing myself that I was just a submissive in the bedroom. I mean, loads of women are and they don’t even realize it, right?”
She looked at him hopefully.
“Aw, hon.” He stood up and moved to sit beside her on the couch. He pulled her tight under his arm. She snuggled against him. “There’s nothing wrong with you or the fact you like the dynamic of submitting and spanking. There was nothing wrong with your mother’s point of view, either, although she sounds a tad judgmental for a hippie type lady.” He noticed Josie stiffen at the implied criticism of her deceased mother and hurried on.
“Perhaps she thought her parents were outmoded and outdated in their relationship? After all, she considered herself a ‘new woman’, a part of a growing feminist generation who burned their bras and all that… hippie stuff. You owe it to you to beyourselfand not follow the path your mother took just because she’s passed on and you want to honor her memory. Surely if she loved you, she’d want you to be happy? I know you won’t be if you deny who you are. Please don’t throw away a deeply fulfilling life for us by attempting to be someone you’re not. Trying to become the image of your mother will not, and cannot, appease her, not anymore. You have to accept the fact that she’s gone, honey.” Again he felt her stiffen at his words, but he felt these things needed to be said.
“I’m sorry to be blunt. I’ve allowed this issue to go unchecked between us for way too long. If we hadn’t had Sandy causing mischief, throwing curve balls in our path, as your Dom I’d have addressed this long ago. I guess what I really want to know, sweetheart, is do you still want to marry me?”
It worried him that she didn’t reply immediately. His neck prickled, he found himself shifting position, uncomfortable with her continued silence. The shoe was on the other foot now as he waited anxiously for her answer. Then she slithered off the couch onto the floor, positioning herself before him, kneeling upright in front of him.
“You are right about my mother and me. If you still want me then I would like to continue being your submissive and marry you, but I might still need your help. I will probably doubt myself sometimes.”
“I want you, I love you and I’m here for you, always.”
“Thank you, Sir.” She looked him straight in the eye.
“I want to collar you at our wedding.” He held her gaze.
He hadn’t planned to ask her that, the words spilled out. He realized that the thought had been in his mind for some time but he hadn’t known whether or not to ask her, not while she’d remained distant.
