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The wounded look in her eyes about broke my heart and I instantly regretted my words, but there was no way to take them back. I hadn’t meant to hurt her, but her attitude was bordering on insufferable, and I’d lashed out.
“You’re right,” she agreed, lowering herself to lay in the grass and resting her chin on her paws.
“Celia, I’m sorry,” I said softly as I lay down too, nuzzling my snout gently against the side of her face. “That was unfair.”
“No, it wasn’t,” she assured me. “I’m being a brat. I don’t mean to be. Sometimes the words just come pouring out and I can’t seem to stop them.”
I didn’t know everything about her past, but from what Dad had hinted to me, it hadn’t been pleasant. Celia was probably carrying around quite a bit of trauma and being attacked and turned certainly hadn’t done her any favors.
“Did your Dad already tell you about how I grew up?” she asked, raising her head again and meeting my gaze.
“Not all of it,” I said. “He just told me that it was rough.”
She huffed out a humorless laugh as she shook her head and her tail flicked in clear annoyance behind her.
God, she really was beautiful. Even angry and riled up, inches from practically hissing and spitting at me, she was gorgeous.
Once again I found myself wishing that we’d sparked. I could absolutely see myself spending the rest of my life with this woman. I wanted to take care of her, ease her pain, help her get stronger and make her unbelievably happy.
But if we weren’t soul mates, then we just weren’t meant to be anything more than what we were…step siblings.
And I’d have to learn to let that be enough.
Chapter Five
~Celia~
*Please note– This chapter contains a vague overview of past child abuse by a parent. There is nothing graphic or overly detailed. I’ve noted the passage with a#at the beginning and the end if you prefer to skip that section.
I’d never actually told anyone about my childhood before. My mom knew, of course, because she’d lived it with me, but I didn’t have friends or other family to confide in. It had always been just me, on my own, swallowing down the pain so as not to inconvenience anyone around me.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” Trevor said softly. “We can just lay here until sunrise if you want.”
He really was very sweet. And I’d meant it when I called him beautiful. His wolf was a lot like him in human form. Big, strong, muscular. His fur looked so thick and soft that when I’d first seen him I’d wished I still had my fingers available so I could run them over him.
Trevor didn’t deserve my anger. No one did, really. It was just such a knee-jerk response to everything that sometimes I didn’t even feel connected to the words that poured out of my mouth. I just lashed out and pushed people away.
But he hadn’t gone. He’d not only stayed but had helped me connect with my beast in a way that Colton had never been able to. It really was the first time I felt like me after a shift.
Sure, sometimes I had control, but it felt as if two pieces of sandpaper were rubbing against each other beneath my skin. Me and the beast, fighting for control, for dominance. And more often than not, the beast won, and it felt as if my mind were broken inside my head, seeing the world around me but unable to interact as the monster drove my body.
Trevor had saved me, and if anyone deserved to hear my truth, it was him.
“My dad…” I swallowed thickly around a lump that had risen immediately into my throat. “My dad wasn’t a very nice man. He drank. A lot. Always. And when he was drunk, he would get angry. About everything.”
I huffed out a laugh, but there was no humor behind it. Was it any wonder I was so angry all the time, coming from that?
#
“When he was angry,” I continued. “He got really abusive. To me and my mom. She tried to protect me, but it was hard. It seemed like I was always covered in bruises and cuts. I couldn’t make friends, because I couldn’t answer questions. I was always in jeans and long sleeves, even in the middle of summer. Kids bullied me at school, and I never fought back. My dad had drilled that into me. Fighting back just gets you worse from your attacker.”
My gaze shifted to stare out across the field. I couldn’t look at Trevor and talk about this. I wasn’t interested in his pity. It was a long time ago, and it was over now, so there was no point in feeling sorry for me.
“For the longest time I couldn’t understand why my mom didn’t leave him. But as I got older I realized there was nowhere for us to go. He controlled everything. He’d isolated us from everyone and made sure we were completely dependent on him.”
#
“Celia—”
