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My body came alive at the sight of her. I’d nearly forgotten how beautiful she was in person. Her short hair had grown out a bit. Her delicate knee peeked through the hole of her ripped jeans. Her black-and-white-striped T-shirt slipped off her shoulder and was tied in a knot just above her waist. It might have only been a month, but it seemed like forever.
Rafe held up his hand and waved goodbye to her before returning his attention to the books.
She exhaled. “Well…I’d better get going.”
“Don’t let her go,” a voice inside me said.
“Do you have to be somewhere?” I pointed my thumb back toward the café area. “Can we grab a coffee over there?”
“I actually do have somewhere I need to be.” She bit her bottom lip, seeming tense. I got the impression that was just an excuse, but I wasn’t going to push it. She had every right to run away from me after the way I’d handled things.
“Okay, well, it was really nice to run into you,” I said.
“You, too.” She forced one last smile before brushing past me.
Inhaling the remnants of her flowery scent, I watched until she disappeared from view.
For the rest of our time at the bookstore, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, occasionally looking over at the door, as if she were going to come back. But what really got to me was the connection she’d seemed to have with Rafe. No one had gotten him to smile like that in nearly two years. I was already second-guessing my decision not to have contacted her all this time. More unsettling was how invigorated I’d felt for those few minutes of being in her presence again.
Rafe and I went back to the house not long after she left. I was in sort of a daze the entire evening. After dinner, Rafe retreated to his room with the three books I’d bought him, leaving me once again alone with my thoughts.
Later that night, I was lying in my bed when I received a text.
My heart sped up when I saw it was from Wren.
I’d forgotten that I’d messaged her my number before the last massage appointment so she would have it if she needed to reach me.
Hi, Dax. It’s Wren. I’m sorry if I acted awkwardly during our run-in today. It was good to see you. And Rafe is amazing. I was thinking about how attentive he seemed when I was telling him about the anime convention. It occurred to me that sometimes we try too hard to get people to relate to our version of the world. Find out what he likes, what makes him tick, and use it to connect with him. Anyway, I figured I would pass that along.
My chest tightened. I wanted to hear her voice.
Dax: Can I call you?
The dots moved around as she typed.
Wren: Sure.
I pressed the call button under her name.
She picked up after two rings. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I exhaled, fisting my sheets. “How are you?”
“Good.”
After a moment of silence, I said, “I feel like I scared you away today. The way you rushed out of there…”
“I guess seeing you did trip me up.”
I shut my eyes. “I’ve felt like shit ever since you left my house that day, Wren. I’ve thought about you a lot.”
“Well, you could’ve called. You have my number. You chose not to.”
She was right.
“Not because I haven’t wanted to. Please know that.”
“That’s the thing. I somehow do know that you liked talking to me, that you liked spending time with me. And I also suspected that when you called me for a massage that day, it wasn’t only about the massage. I guess that’s why I’m confused. Did you never…like me in that way? Did I misread things? Because you definitely gave me a vibe that you were interested in me, Dax.”
How the hell am I supposed to explain myself? “Wren… I do like you. A lot. But there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“You don’t feel you’re ready?”
That was a fair question. “It’s not that…”
“What is it, then?”
“I’m not…right for you. And I like you too much to just fuck around. So that means I have to control my actions.”
“You think you’re too old for me? Because I’ve been with older.”
Well, fuck. “No, it’s not that, either.”
“You’re not attracted to me?”
If only… “I think you know by the way my body reacted that I am very attracted to you. You’re absolutely beautiful. In every way. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Then what is it?”
My stomach twisted. “It’s…complicated.”
She paused. “Have you had sex since your wife died?”
I hesitated but told her the truth. “Yes.”
“Wow, okay. So it’s not a need to stay loyal somehow. I wasn’t sure.”
“I’ve only been with one person. And it’s meaningless. Just someone I know who doesn’t expect anything more from me.”
