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As I began to come down, he slid his tongue back and forth over my clit, as if to lick away the last remnants of what he’d done. He kissed gently upward, stopping on my abdomen. He breathed over the skin there as I lay limp for the longest time.
I eventually pushed myself up and hopped down from the desk, dropping to my knees to undo his belt. His pants could barely contain his erection. I wanted to taste him, too—give him even half the pleasure he’d given me.
But he placed his hand on my wrist, stopping me. A cold reality seeped in. It reminded me of when he’d grabbed my wrist that day on the massage table when I’d wanted to kiss him. He once again proved he was the one in control as he put an abrupt end to things.
Dax wiped the back of his hand along his mouth. “You need to go.”
Dax
In the days following my encounter with Wren in my office, I went back and forth between beating myself up for my actions and getting off on replaying them in my head.
I went down on Rafe’s sister.
I went down on Rafe’s sister and loved every second of it.
Of all the women in the world, that’s who I’d chosen.
I was a sick fuck.
But she was the only woman I’d wanted from almost the moment I met her.
This madness needed to stop.
I’d just be going about my day, and then I’d remember how her flesh felt against my mouth, the way she tasted. I’d somehow justified it because I was the one pleasuring her, as if that meant I hadn’t taken something I wasn’t entitled to. But giving, not taking, somehow made what I’d done less unforgivable.
And then I’d practically kicked her out of my office. It had been so easy to imagine fucking her against the wall or on my desk. I’d been ready to explode, seconds away from burying myself inside of her. I suspected she would’ve let me do whatever I wanted. Because it was what she wanted. That scared the shit out of me. It might have seemed like I lost control when I went down on her, but I’d been absolutely aware of my limitations every second of the way. I’d made a clear decision the moment I lifted her onto my desk to give into temptation, but also not to let things go beyond giving her oral sex.
She probably took my telling her to leave as a rejection. But she couldn’t have imagined how much I wanted her, all the things I wanted to do to her, the things I wanted her to do to me. I was more determined than ever, though, to stop anything else from happening before it was too late.
I needed to do something drastic. And that was going to start today.
• • •
One full week after the encounter, Wren still hadn’t initiated contact. And I hadn’t reached out to her. I knew she had to come around eventually since she’d want to see Rafe. But for now, I appreciated the space her absence afforded me.
Tonight was the first time in a while that I had plans to go out. My mission was to do my best to forget about Wren and this dilemma for one evening. Every year, Shannon threw a big New Orleans-themed party for her birthday. That was the perfect place to bring Keely, a woman I’d met on a dating app. I’d decided I needed to push myself to start dating again. That was the only thing I could come up with to distract me from what had happened with Wren.
Although it felt a little like penance, dating seemed like a logical idea. So did asking Keely to meet me at Shannon’s party Friday night so things would remain casual in the event I wasn’t feeling it. There would be lots of people around, so it seemed perfectly noncommittal.
As I stood across from my date that evening, the jury remained out. Keely was attractive enough, nice enough. But as I’d expected going into this, everything felt forced. Despite being here at this party, I couldn’t seem to get Wren out of my head. At least Keely and I would have a good time at Shannon’s, no matter what, even if the chemistry between us wasn’t there. Rafe was here, too, and had disappeared into Shannon’s TV room to play video games with Shannon’s son, Bobby Jr., who was home from college for the occasion.
Redheaded Keely and I got to know each other a bit by the buffet table, which featured gumbo, beignets, and a mish-mash of other New Orleans-themed food.
As we noshed, Keely told me all about her position as an occupational therapist for the Boston schools, while I spoke a bit about my job and my appreciation for Shannon and all she did for Rafe and me.
