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She interrupted my thoughts. “Promise me something, Moody.”
I raised my brow. “I guess I have to know what it is first.”
“Promise me you won’t waste your time anymore with someone who doesn’t deserve you—like that bimbo who messaged about your dick.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s hard for me to accept that my leaving will mark the end of whatever this is between us.” She let out a shaky breath. “Was it a relationship? A fling? Playing with fire? I don’t even know, but I do know it will be over soon. So I’m really grateful for this extra time with you tonight. And I want to make sure you know that you do deserve love, Dax. I don’t care what your family’s actions led you to believe. Or what you feel like you deserve because you made some mistakes in your marriage and never had the chance to make things right. You’re not responsible for what happened to Maren, either.”
Her words weren’t quite enough to permeate the thick cloud of self-loathing I’d built around myself. But I appreciated that she tried. “I hear you.” I nodded. “I wish it could sink in easier. I wish I could promise you I’ll eventually see myself the way you do. But I can promise you I’ll try.”
She reached for my hand. I brought her fingers to my mouth and kissed them. I just couldn’t help it.
“I’m sure you’ll meet someone there…” I paused to acknowledge the hurt in my chest. “And I don’t know, maybe you’ll fall in love. That’s what they do in France, right?” I forced a smile. “I guess what I want you to promise me is that you won’t let what happened between us fuck that up for you. I want you to forget about me. Maybe that sounds egotistical to assume I carry that much weight in your head and in your heart. But I feel it. I somehow feel what you feel for me. I know you truly care about me. Quite frankly, I don’t know if anyone else in this world cares about me the same way.” It was hard to say what came next. “I want you to try to release it. Because I don’t want it to be a barrier to your happiness.”
Her eyes turned glossy with tears. “You are my happiness right now. And my greatest pain. It sucks. But I wouldn’t trade a second of our secret.”
“Neither would I,” I said.
She inhaled deeply and stood up from the bench. “We actually should get going.”
What? “Already?”
“Yeah. I changed my mind. I think it’s better.” She shook her head. “Because I feel like I’m falling for you all over again tonight. I need to go home and undo some of that.”
I felt her words deep in my chest. “My happiness…and my greatest pain.” Every second spent with her always made me want her more. And any progress I’d thought I’d made in forgetting these feelings was erased any time I was around her again. It was a hamster wheel of incessant wanting.
“Well, then…” I stood. “Your carriage awaits, Ms. McCallister.” I scooped her up off her feet.
I carried her all the way back to where her car was parked outside my house. The walk with her in my arms was serene yet emotional. No words were necessary.
It felt like goodbye.
Once we got back to my house, we stood facing each other on the sidewalk in front of her car.
“What time is your flight on the twenty-ninth?” I asked.
“It’s at 8 PM, but I have to be there a few hours earlier. My dad is actually going to be gone that day because he has to help my grandmother move into an assisted-living facility up in New Hampshire. It was just bad timing. So I’ll say goodbye to him in the morning and take the train to the airport.”
That didn’t sit right with me. She was leaving for two years, and no one was going to see her off? No fucking way.
“I’ll take you.”
She blinked. “Are you sure?”
“Of course. Traffic can be a bitch at that time with everyone heading into the city to go out on Saturday night, so I’ll come over to your place a little early. We’ll get you to the airport in plenty of time.”
She looked like she was ready to cry. “That means a lot, Moody. Thank you.”
“Believe me, after everything? It’s the least I can do.”
Wren
On the Friday evening before my departure day, my emotions were all over the place. I tried to bury them by putting all of my energy into packing.
Dax was working late, so he wasn’t home when I arrived at his house to say goodbye to Rafe.
Shannon answered the door.
“Hey, Shannon.” I hugged her.
She squeezed me. “I sure am gonna miss you, Wren. It won’t be the same.”
