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He did a bad thing? “What are you talking about?”
“I read your journal.”
My throat felt like it was closing. “You…what?”
His voice shook. “I read your journal. A few months ago, I went into your drawer to look for condoms, and I found that cigar box. I didn’t expect to find a notebook in there, and I wasn’t planning to read it, but the page I opened to had my sister’s name. So I kept reading.”
Oh no. “So you’ve known about this for months?”
“Yeah. It was right after Thanksgiving, a couple of months before she came back. I was never gonna tell you. I didn’t want you to be upset with me. But this morning before I left, I saw the pain in your eyes, and I knew I had to do something.”
I scrubbed my hand over my face. The surprises kept coming.
“After I found the journal, I confronted Wren.”
I looked up at him. Wren knows about this?
“But I swore her to secrecy because I was scared to tell you what I’d done.”
I buried my face in my hands again, feeling ashamed. I couldn’t even remember what I’d written. It was a total brain dump, especially that night Wren left for Europe. But I knew I’d written about having sex with her. I also remembered writing about falling in love with her.
“I can only imagine what you think of me right now,” I said. “I’m so sorry you had to find out that way.”
“Well, you were never gonna tell me. So I guess I would’ve never known at all.”
“You’re right. I didn’t want to hurt you. For a long while, I never planned to tell you. Our relationship was so damn fragile at first. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, Rafe. Please know that.”
“I know. I read it all. You said that in the journal. You also said you fell in love with her.”
There was no denying anything anymore. “I did.”
“Do you still love her?”
Without hesitation, I answered, “I do.”
He nodded, blowing out a breath. “I’m not mad. I mean, it was definitely weird when I first found out. Took some getting used to. But I can see how it happened. It’s not like she grew up with me. And she’s closer to your age than mine. You get along. I used to think she was your girlfriend when I’d see her at the house, before I knew who she really was.”
“Really? You never said that.”
“I never said anything back then, remember?”
“I sure do.”
“Anyway, Wren told me some stuff went down at the law firm party last night. I don’t want her to be sad. Or you. I saw your face this morning at breakfast. I could see how upset you were. I knew you weren’t gonna tell me, and I was never gonna admit what I did, either. But I don’t want to see my sister sad anymore. So if you hate me for reading your—”
“Whoa. Hate you?” I interrupted. “Are you freaking kidding me? I’m the one who should be worried that you hate me. The fact that you read my journal makes me uncomfortable, sure. But I don’t blame you. You did what anyone would do in that situation.”
“I didn’t have to read the whole thing, though.”
“No, you didn’t. But I can understand why you did. I’m not mad at you. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I don’t want you to hate me for what I did.”
“I…want you to be happy,” he said. “If it’s with my sister, then it’s with my sister. Whatever you thought the truth might do to me, you were wrong. I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you.” For the first time since he’d appeared in the kitchen, my blood pressure felt lower.
“When my mom died, you could’ve left,” Rafe added after a moment. “You weren’t my dad. You weren’t even my friend back then. But you didn’t leave. You stayed. You did everything for me when you didn’t have to. You lost sleep over me. You worried about my grades. You met with my teachers and therapist. And when I got into running, you made as many of the meets as you could and cheered me on from the stands. Since the day Mom died, you’ve put my happiness first—before your own. You…saved me.” He paused. “I’m happy now, Dax. Truly happy.” He approached me and put his hand on my shoulder. “You deserve to be happy, too.” When I looked up at him, he said, “I love you.”
My chest tightened with a full heart it could no longer contain. I never thought I’d hear those words come out of Rafe’s mouth. I never imagined he could feel that way, but I’d known for a while that I loved him.
I’d never forget the moment I realized it. He’d collapsed on the track about a year ago at a meet. It turned out he was just dehydrated, but before I knew it wasn’t serious, I’d felt like my life was ending. I realized in that moment that Rafe was my reason for being. He was the reason I’d met Maren. My purpose in life was to help raise him. I didn’t need any other purpose to feel fulfilled.
