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One Friday night in September, Dax and I were alone in the house as Rafe was out with his girlfriend, Kelsey. He was a senior now, so who knew if that relationship would last once they went away to college. But I was glad she made him happy for now.
It was about 10 PM, and Dax sat in his chair reading while I’d curled up in my spot by his feet. Even Winston had gotten used to me being around, and he lay calmly nearby, not a growl to be heard. The more I stared at my boyfriend, the more overwhelmed I became. My eyes welled up.
Dax looked up from his book. “Are you crying?”
“A little.”
His forehead crinkled. “Did I miss something?”
“Nothing bad.”
“Is it the old-man glasses?” He took them off. “Seriously, what’s this about?”
“I got choked up for a moment, thinking about how when I was away, I never imagined I’d be back here, sitting by your feet while you read. I thought we were done. I feel so lucky that I didn’t have to live the rest of my life without you.”
He set his book aside. “I still feel like I have so much to make up to you.”
I shook my head. “You don’t owe me anything. I just need you, Dax. I don’t need anything else but you.”
“There’s nothing you want that I haven’t given you?”
I got up and straddled him. There was one other thing I wanted. I just wasn’t sure if he wanted it, too.
“I want to have your babies,” I told him.
His eyes went wide. “Not exactly what I was expecting you to say.”
“I know that was a bit much. But it is something I want someday, something I dream about. But only with you, and only if you want that, too. I don’t know how you feel about having kids of your own. We’ve never discussed it.”
I’d always been afraid to bring this up, fearing his answer would not be what I wanted to hear. He used to refer to himself as not being the fatherly type when Rafe was younger. He’d never felt good enough for the job. But he’d certainly proven himself.
“I never imagined having kids of my own…” He hesitated. “Until you.” His mouth curved into a smile. “Now? I can’t imagine going through life without seeing a part of me inside of you, growing into a little human. Getting to raise a child with you? Getting to see what an amazing mother I know you’ll be? Everything I thought I wanted when you first met me went out the window once I fell in love with you, Wren.”
“Really?” I whispered, feeling so damn relieved.
He gripped my ass and squeezed. “Really, baby.”
“You know, I learned a pretty big lesson in France.” I looked into the fireplace. “It was so beautiful there, you know? I’d sit out on my balcony and listen to the sounds of my cute little neighborhood in Versailles. I finally had what I’d thought I wanted for so long—I’d traveled far away and experienced a new land, free to do whatever I wanted away from home. But from almost the moment I got there, I realized I had nothing without the people I love. You, my dad, Rafe. The people you love are what life is about, not a place. Places are just backdrops, like the moving scenery of a Broadway show. It’s the cast of characters that matters.” I smiled. “I’d be in Paris at a café, staring across at the Eiffel Tower but longing to be back in this living room—simply because you were here. All I wanted was to sit by your feet or on top of you in the very spot I am now. The most beautiful sights in the world can’t beat being with the one you love.”
Dax cradled my face and brought me in for a kiss. “I want to show you something,” he said before lifting me off of him.
He went upstairs, leaving me alone by the fire.
When he came down, he had his black journal with the fleur-de-lis on the front—the journal Rafe had read.
I’d curled up in his chair, so he sat across from me on the sofa.
He looked down at it for a while before he spoke. “For a long time, I was too scared to look back at what I’d written—knowing Rafe had read it. But recently, I decided to open this again. I had to know what he’d seen. What you just said about how you felt looking at the Eiffel Tower reminded me of something I wrote.” He opened the journal and turned the pages. “I’m gonna read you the entry from the night you left.”
On the edge of my seat, I nodded.
“I just let the woman I love get on a plane and leave me. I feel completely empty. Even though I know Wren and I made the right decision to end things this way, with her moving to Europe, it doesn’t make it any easier. If Rafe ever found out about us, it would devastate him. So I’m choosing to hurt myself instead. Because make no mistake about it, this is the biggest hurt I’ve ever felt.” Dax turned the page.
