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She did not look very happy, and it scared him. It would be horrible if he were having such a good time while she was miserable. He hoped to God that she was not suffering. Lord Westworth had seemed like a kind man. A kind enough man that she would not need to come running to him urgently asking for help. Hopefully.God, please don’t let that be it.
“Alexander, I do not know how to answer that question other than to say that I am not happy, and I have not been happy since the moment my father made it clear to me that I was to marry Lord Westworth,” Isabella said sadly, her eyes downcast as she spoke.
Alexander heard the shakiness in her voice and felt the guilt he had been feeling double. Her face was filled with sadness, and he wished he could hug and comfort her, tell her everything would be fine, but he was not certain that it would be, and he had no right to touch her anymore. So he stayed his hands and swallowed those words.
“Has he been cruel to you? Did he do anything to hurt you?” he asked worriedly. Despite how much he wished it would not be so, it was not uncommon for many men in high society to marry wives and proceed to treat them in the most humiliating manner after they had gotten the price that they wanted.
“No, he has never done anything to hurt me. My husband is a saint. He is very well behaved and cares for me. He gives me whatever I want and makes sure I lack nothing whatsoever,” Isabella said, staring at the ground. Alexander couldn’t help the sigh of relief that escaped him.Thank you, God.
“Good. Then whatever is the problem?” he asked.
“Lord Westworth is an old man, Alex. He is old, and try as he might, he is boring. He does not ignite any feelings in me as you did.” Isabella looked up at him with teary eyes. “I know I should be happy that he is kind to me and treats me with respect, but all I feel when I look at him is disgust and repulsion. The truth is that I hate being with him. I hate him when he’s being sweet and tender, and I hate it even more that I must give him my body.”
Alexander’s knees buckled at her confession, so he moved to take the seat opposite her as his legs struggled to bear the full weight of his body. Isabella’s plight was not one of desperation or fear, and somehow it was worse. It seemed like she had come to him as a friend to confess her greatest sin. He imagined that she was filled with guilt and did not know who else to tell. He could understand. No matter how nice, she was still forced to sleep with an old man she was not attracted to. It would be more difficult since she had already experienced attraction with him.I did this to her.
“I do not think that I have ever been more miserable than I am right now, Alexander. I wish there were a way I could get out of my predicament,” she added.
Alexander tried to find a comforting prospect that would reassure Isabella and thought back to the first few weeks of his marriage, when he and Caroline spent their time actively avoiding each other and always ended up tearing each other down with their words, whenever they spoke.
“I am sure you will not believe it right now, Isabella, but it will not always be like this. I know right now your future with your husband seems like your worst nightmare, but you just might come to cherish him. All it takes is a little time spent together, appreciating one another and you will learn to see the beauty in him and love him for who he is, or at least learn to not hate him as you do right now,” he said.
A smile settled on her lips as he spoke and Alexander automatically returned it, thankful that his words had made an impact and that she was beginning to see things differently. Maybe now they could both find peace and she could enjoy a beautiful marriage just like he was beginning to.
“You always did know how to use your words, Alexander. Remember all the beautiful poems and letters you wrote to me. They were always filled with words that made me feel so special and brought me so much joy. I still have your letters and read them to myself on days when I feel sad. You have been a comfort to me, even in your absence, and here you are still trying to make me feel better in the same way,” Isabella said. Alexander’s smile wobbled slightly, as he was not sure how to take her words, but he kept it on his face, choosing to take them as platonic.
“However, that is not what I want from you, Alex. I did not come here so you would console me with your words. I came here because after thinking for so long, I found a solution,” Isabella continued, moving closer to him.
Alexander was a bit uncomfortable with the proximity, so he leaned away. “A solution?” he asked.
“I thought about everything, and I believe the only solution to my happiness and, possibly yours, is for us to reunite,” she said, making him freeze in place.
Alexander’s shock at how easily she had just suggested that they have an affair gave way to laughter as he surmised that she must have been joking with him.
“That was a clever joke, Isabella,” he said and noticed how quickly her smile faded and turned into a frown.
“I am being very serious, Alexander. I am not happy in my marriage, and you cannot convince me that you are happy either. Not after you were tricked into marrying someone you do not care for.” Isabella got up from where she was seated opposite him and moved to join him on the chair he occupied.
“I go to sleep every night wishing it were you who shared my bed and not the man I call my husband, and I know you must feel the same way as I do. So why can we not just go back to when it was just the two of us. They do not need to know about us, Alexander.” Isabella placed her hand on his cheek as she spoke and when she was done, she leaned forward to kiss him. Alexander bolted out of his seat and moved away until he was out of her reach. His heart was pounding in his chest from horror. He was not that kind of man. He never would be! He rubbed his face with his hands. No, Isabella was not that kind of woman either.
“Isabella, I understand you are sad and possibly confused and it is making you reach out to me, but you must understand that this is wrong. Neither of our spouses deserves being lied to and disrespected,” Alexander sighed and returned to the seat he previously occupied and took her hands in his.
“I know that right now you believe we need each other to be happy but it is not true. I have found happiness with my wife, and I believe you can do the same with your husband—”
“You cannot have found happiness with her so early on in your marriage. We were meant to be together, Alexander, so if we cannot be together in marriage, can we not still have the pleasure of each other’s company? Alexander, I never stopped loving you and I know you feel the same way about me,” she said, trying once again to kiss him.
“Isabella, stop. I can assure you I am perfectly happy with my wife. I made a promise to her I cannot break. Look, Isa, I know I wronged you when I was unable to keep my promise to you, but I will not make the same mistake again. You might believe that you cannot be happy with your husband, but I refuse to let you believe that your happiness lies only with me. I am only trying to do what is best for you,” he said, pleading with her.
Isabella let out a peal of mocking laughter, filled with so much derision that it filled Alexander with shock. Her face morphed into something ugly and malicious as she spoke, “What makes you think you know what is best for me, Alexander? Do you think that because you have managed to trick yourself into believing you are happy, you suddenly know the best way to handle such matters?”
Alexander was left speechless at the sudden changes in the woman he had thought he knew. The thought that this new side of her might be the real her and he had not noticed because of his previous attraction filled him but he chose not to believe it, thinking that she was probably reacting this way because she feared the sudden changes in her life. He had gotten the better end of fate after all, with a beautiful and striking young woman. Perhaps if she had a young, handsome man as well, she would find it easier to let go, just as he had. He had no right to judge her. He felt sad, not sure how to console her.
“It is not a trick, Isabella, I am truly happy. I am sorry if my words caused you any form of pain but all I have ever done is care for you and that will never change. I simply do not want you to make a terrible decision that you might end up regretting,” he finally said, trying to calm her down.
Once again, he watched her face change as she went from being annoyed to suddenly reverting to the person he had always known her to be.
“I am sorry I snapped at you, Alexander. It is just that it hurts that I have been replaced so quickly in your heart. Did I mean so little to you that you would so easily cast me aside? You have not even tried to reach out to me since you married. It does not seem like much time has passed from the time you were so upset at the fact that you were being forced to marry this girl, and now you speak to me about being happily married.” She wiped at her eyes.
Alexander sighed. He had not planned to hurt her feelings by rubbing the fact that he was happy in her face. Not after she just complained about how unhappy she was, but it had to be done. Even though he pitied her, she needed to know that he would not budge in his decision. “It was not my plan to make you feel like you were unimportant, Isabella, and I am sorry if that is the message you heard. It does not change the fact that I am happy with my wife, however.”
