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CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
Faye
I stand at the door, my ear pressed against it. My heart has never beat so fast. It’s like its sole job is to hammer so hard and so loud I can’t hear my own thoughts.
And maybe that’s a good thing.
It would just be traitor, traitor, traitor anyway.
The kiss lingers on my lips, phantom sensations teasing across my mouth, making my belly feel warm when I think about it.
One of my fingernails is a little bent from gripping onto Felix’s firm arms, squeezing tight as desire made me kiss him harder, our tongues finding each other.
I’m wearing my dress again, pulled quickly over my head, the material feeling clingy after the prospect of being naked with my man.
“Where’s Faye?” Lola asks, her voice quiet, coming from the other side of the big warehouse-office area.
There’s a pause.
I imagine Felix thinking, Don’t make me lie to you.
It’s the same thought that would come to me, and I hate it.
She hasn’t made us do anything. We made the decision.
Suddenly I’m sure Felix is about to tell her the truth, and part of me wants it. I can feel the relief it would bring, a break from the wondering. Hate us or accept it.
Accept what, though? The fact we kissed and shared some steaminess?
And I can’t stand the thought of Lola hating me.
It’s not like we can go to her with an actual definition of what we are.
We can’t just say, By the way, Lola, we really want to have sex. Or at least do intimate things.
Having sex is, by itself, a whole other issue with its own problems.
“She’s not here right now,” Felix says.
Lola laughs. “Well, duh. Is she scouting locations or something?”
“Yes,” Felix says gravely.
My hands smooth over my belly, my fingernails pressing the way they did into Felix’s arms. It’s like I’m trying to reassure our unborn baby, tell him or her it’s okay.
Daddy had to tell a lie to protect your sister.
That’s when the warped fiction ends. You don’t lie to a person to protect them…you do it to protect yourself. And that’s what Felix is doing. He’s protecting us like he always will.
Fuck.
How can I both condemn and approve of his actions?
Why does he confuse me so freaking much?
Except how much I wish he was back in here with me. Kissing me and touching me and making those animal noises of pure hunger.
There’s nothing confusing about that piece of this.
