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He looks over at me, smiling tightly. There’s that look in his eyes again, as though he’s trying to silently tell me something.
It’s the way he stares right at me, and I can tell he wants to say we can’t do that.
We can’t just forget about Lola, forget about the pain we’d be causing.
But then he nods and turns back to the road. “That’s what I want too.”
Even if I know I shouldn’t, he leaves unsaid.
I interlock my fingers, sitting back in my seat. If I clasp my hands like this, maybe I can control some of the desire twisting through me, especially the urge to reach over and grab onto his arm, his leg, his something.
“Maybe we should talk about something more interesting then,” he says, with a playful note in his voice. “Like how the hell has a woman as gorgeous and downright sexy as you never had an orgasm?”
My gaze snaps to the window, to the passing scenery, as though that means I don’t have to think about the answer to his question, much less answer it.
It would be simple to tell him the truth. Just open my mouth and tell him the real reason.
I was waiting for you. I’ve only ever wanted you.
But that would lead to something else, and my throat tightens just at the thought. It’s like my body is trying to stop me from saying it, just in case I ruin what we’re starting here…and what will surely end badly.
It will end with me wanting the future, the family, and Felix telling me no – he can’t put his relationship with Lola at stake.
And can I really blame him?
I wish that wasn’t what I was doing right now, just by being here. I’m putting my relationship with Lola at risk as much as he is.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Felix murmurs.
“It’s not a big deal,” I say, waving a hand. “It just never happened.”
“Not even… with yourself?”
I watch as trees flit by, the road shadowed by the over brush. It feels like we’re driving through a tunnel composed of nature.
I imagine taking a photo of us both here, under the natural archway, my hand in Felix’s as he stares down at me. Wedding rings glinting on our fingers, and an engagement ring making me shine even brighter.
“No,” I mutter. “If you want the truth, I’ve only ever been able to, uh, fantasize about you.”
My body turns into one big blush. Risking a look at Felix, I see his hands are tight on the steering wheel, his gaze aimed forward.
“Because of your crush?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I murmur. “But I’ve never let myself. I’ve come close a few times but never gone all the way.”
Because of Lola.
But he already knows that.
“You’ve got no idea how badly I want to change that,” he growls.
“Me too,” I say quickly, heart pounding, skin growing warm. “But we can’t. We agreed.”
Nothing until after we’ve told Lola.
“I know,” he says firmly. “But it doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”
