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“It’s true,” I say, making myself say the words even if it hurts. “I want everything…all the stuff he just said. I want to be with him.”
Lola sits back, folding her arms. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry….”
Lola cuts in, “I mean, I really don’t know. I always thought the crush would stay, well, a crush. I thought maybe you’d find it a bit more difficult to keep it secret, Faye, but….”
She trails off as she looks into my eyes, her expression finally softening, showing me a little of the Lola I remember from thousands of memories, all of them bright and flooded with friendship.
“You knew?” I ask.
From the corner of my eye, I can see Felix shifting awkwardly. He doesn’t like talking about my crush, I know, preferring to think of our relationship the way it is now, not filtered through a teenage girl’s fantasy
Lola sighs. “It’s obvious, Faye. At least, it always has been to me. The little looks…the way you go all red whenever we talk about him.”
“I do not,” I say, but even now I can feel my cheeks heating.
“I thought it would stay a crush,” she says. “And now you’re saying all this stuff…all this impossible stuff. How can you say you want to get married, to have a family together? How long has this been going on? Since before you left for Europe, Dad?”
“No,” Felix says. “It started the day I returned. I can’t explain it, Lola, but it was like seeing a different person. I didn’t even recognize Faye at first. And I tried to fight it.”
“Fight what?” Lola says, her tone becoming just a tiny bit snappy.
A note of discomfort resounds through me, making me think of what will happen if Lola doesn’t give us her blessing.
It’ll be the end of the relationship and the friendship.
How could Lola want to spend time together after that?
“My feelings for Faye,” Felix says calmly.
I risk looking at him, my heart, body, and soul all responding in equal measure as if I want to spend the whole afternoon sleeping peacefully in his arms…and bouncing crazily on top of him.
Both at the same time. Maybe Lola’s right.
This is impossible.
But I can feel how real it is.
“What feelings?” Lola says. “I don’t understand. You’re saying this started…what? A week ago?”
“Give or take,” Felix says. “Yeah.”
“So what feelings?” Lola leans forward, gripping her knees, staring at Felix and then me. “I’m really trying to make sense of this.”
Felix runs a hand through his silver hair. “I’m just relieved you’re still speaking to us.”
Lola huffs. “For now. And you didn’t answer my question.”
Felix lets his hands drop, his fists clenched in his lap. I resist the urge to reach over and touch his arm, to try and help relieve some of the pain making him so taut and hot.
“You’re going to think I’m crazy,” Felix says.
“Maybe I already do.”
“Fair.” He nods. “Then you’re going to think I’m crazier.”
