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BEN
Shit. I’m used to her jabs but that one gets me. Because it’s one of the biggest regrets I have in my life. And solely because she paid the price for my mistake. Glancing out the window, I see her still propped up against her car, unmoved since I stepped away. Maybe I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. At least not to tell her all the things I’ve noticed over the years. But there was truth to it. Especially the part that I know her better than that dipshit ever did. But she’ll never be ready to hear anything I have to say and will take an insult better than sincerity any day.
Placing my order, I glance her way a few times and notice she’s back in the driver’s seat. I laugh when I picture her driving off and leaving me in the middle of nowhere. Fortunately, she doesn’t bail completely on me today, but I wouldn’t put it past her. And I find the car and its gorgeous but furious driver still waiting on me.
Juggling the two drinks and bag of food in my hand, I open the door and bend down to look at her. “I can drive if you want to take a break.”
“No. I’m good.”
I’m sure she’s good with driving, but something tells me she isn’t good in other ways. And I don’t think it’s only my unwanted presence that’s weighing on her mind. But I shouldn’t push the topic now. It wouldn’t do any good.
My door is barely shut when she begins backing out of the parking spot. I grab her burger and fries and place them on the console as she heads back to the interstate. “Cheese. Ketchup. Lettuce. Tomato. Hold the pickles. Just in case you change your mind.” And she probably won’t. Most of the time, I admire her stubborn will. But other times, like when I need her to meet me halfway, I loathe her stubbornness as much as she despises me. Which is a lot. And I’m about to poke the bear again. “That is what you like, right?”
“I said I wasn’t hungry.”
“I say a lot of things I don’t mean.”Double shit.
I don’t regret my words, but I’m not ready for her response of, “Yeah, I know.”
She’s talking about the complete opposite of what I had insinuated. “I never meant to hurt you, Josie. In any way.”
“Yeah, I know that too. It was an accident. It’s in the past. I shouldn’t have brought it up. And you shouldn’t have said what you did. So, let’s just both zip our mouths and get through the rest of the drive, okay?”
The memory of her tears all those years ago still pulls at me, ripping my chest open. Yes. It had been an accident. She wasn’t supposed to get hurt because of me. And it’ll always be my fault for kissing her. That’s why I hadn’t been paying attention. I was so focused on her that I took my eyes off the trail and crashed the ATV into a tree. Sitting at the ER with her, seeing the pain she was in was excruciating. Not being able to do a fucking thing about it, no way to take on the pain myself, to draw it away from her, that was unbearable.
“You can break my wrist.” The words slip out of my mouth as she gives me a crazier than normal look. “If it’d make you feel better. Go ahead.” I hold up my arm to her.
Her eyes quickly look at it before she shakes her head and fixes her gaze back to the road. “You’re insane.”
“Maybe a little.” Especially when it comes to Josie Oswald. “But here’s your chance for payback.”
“I’d rather just move on.” Her words hurt more than if she’d just broken my bone. Because there’s no way I can ever move on from that day. Or her.
And I already know the question won’t get me the answer I want. But I ask anyway. “What is there to move on from? It’s all in the past.”
Her response is to turn the music volume up. Both of her hands returning to the steering wheel, her eyes glued to the road ahead. A clear path forward. And whether she wants to believe that day and what happened was in the past is up to her, but I don’t believe it for one second. Because the way she looked at me that day, before I kissed her and she kissed me back, is the same way she looked at me when she was against her car, her body pressed against mine. And nothing that feels that right could be wrong. Or in the past.
