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JOSIE
Glancing out the window, I soak in the breathtaking view. There’s nothing but moonlit fields as far as the eye can see. It’s definitely the best part of not being in a room downstairs, although I’m sure those rooms offer other good views. One such view would include a solid wall where the adjoining door stood. I keep looking at, thinking of him. It’s just a few nights. Then, we’ll head home. Separately. Sarah and Eric are flying out from here, so that leaves more than enough open seating for Ben to hop a ride back with the Sawyers. So, it’s only a few days, then we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled routine of avoiding each other as much as possible.
My bedtime is the routine I focus on now. A quick shower later, I’m feeling relaxed and comfy as I pull on a cami and cotton shorts. Leaving the curtain open, I slide under the quilt and sink into one of the most comfortable beds ever. Or maybe I’m that exhausted.
Nope. It’s this place. Sarah and I had scoped it out over a year ago and spent the weekend here. It took her all of five seconds to book the venue for her intimate wedding. And it’s gonna be perfect. It has to be, because she deserves nothing but the best.
A smile covers my face as I visualize everything going off perfectly, not one kink in the day. At least my imagination is on the right track until a knock on the adjoining door interrupts the happy thoughts. My hope is that if I ignore it and pretend to be sleeping, he’ll give up. My hope is lost when I hear him tap again after a few minutes.Damn it.
Getting out of the comfortable bed ticks me even higher on the pissy scale as I walk over, unlock the door, and pull it open. Ben stands there in a different T-shirt and pajama pants, his damp hair telling me that he’s showered. And if there was any doubt, the spicy, woody scent of his soap is giving me all the information I need. When his deep-brown eyes drop to my chest, I realize I’m less than prepared to entertain a guest right now, being that I was in bed. Braless and all.
“What do you want? Some of us are trying to sleep.” I try to sound mad but all I feel is defeated and exhausted.
He takes a step closer to me and stands on the threshold between our rooms. “I’m sorry, Josie.”
“It’s fine.” I shift back, my fingers gripping the door. I’m trying to send a message, but he takes the moment to step fully into my room. Message not received. Or ignored. Whatever.
His tone is too demanding as he says, “Stop it.”
“What?” I breathe, stunned at his intensity.
“Stop shutting me out. Pushing me away. I get that it’s easier to throw a few jabs and slam a door in my face than admit what you’re really scared of.”
I’m not sure if he’s the delusional one or if that’s me, but I can’t do this right now. Not when my defenses are down. Not when it’s too hard to conjure up my animosity for him. “And what exactly am I scared of?”
His hand slowly raises, his thumb brushing along my neck before he cups the nape of my neck. He whispers, “Us.” And his mouth covers mine in a blink, his lips tasting mine before I have a chance to respond.
Respond with what, I don’t know. Because all I can think about is his hand holding me to him, his arm wrapping around my lower back, pulling me closer as his tongue devours every sane thought I have. I’m kissing him back.Ben. The boy who broke my heart—and more—the last time this happened. The thought lifts enough of the fog for me to break away from his mouth, take in a deep breath, and shove against his chest.
“We can’t do this.” All the horrible thoughts of what could happen flood my mind and snap me back to reality.
“Give me one good reason why.” Ben’s voice is almost playful, teasing as his lips brush against mine. And it pisses me off. He’s messing with me… bringing all this to the surface. But why wouldn’t he? He’s playing with fire, but he won’t be the one to get burned when this blows up in our face.
“Sarah. She’s my best friend. We’re here for her wedding; to make this the best day for her. She doesn’t need her brother entertaining some delirium because he regrets hurting her friend’s feelings. Again.”
“Sarah knows something is going on between us. She told me to fix it. But I don’t want to fix it with an apology and walk away. I want you. And not only for tonight.” His fingertips grip my lower back, pulling me flush to him. “Tell me you don’t want the same, and I’ll leave. But don’t use some cheap excuse to deny what we’ve both wanted for so long but have been fucking terrified to act on.”
“Because we shouldn’t,” I whisper, but I don’t know what I believe anymore. Not when he’s this close, not when he’s holding me. The only thing I’m used to holding onto is pain… because even if we’re good tonight, the pain will happen. It might not be in the form of a broken wrist, but it will follow. “I can’t.”
Breaking free from his constricting yet comforting grip, I move back, my arms folding over my chest as my eyes drop to the floor. He might not be the same boy I kissed all those years ago, but he still has the ability to make me feel like that scared, weak, lovesick teenager from all those years ago. And I don’t like it. Drew might not have conjured an ounce of the desire or hatred in me that I feel for Ben, but he also didn’t strike agony into my being like Ben does either. The man has the ability to do some real damage if I allow him. “Get out.”
“Josie.”
My eyes snap to him. He might make me feel weak but I’m not. “I said get out. And don’t worry. Your apology is accepted. We’re good. We can go back to our regularly scheduled program of hating each other, but that’s it. There’s nothing else here. There’s no ‘us.’ So, there’s not a fucking thing for me to be scared of. Now, go back to your room and leave me alone. If not for my sake, for your sister’s. Your hormones won’t interfere with our stay here.”
His eyes take a long, lingering assessment of my body. My hands grip tighter to shield myself. And I hate that reaction, but I feel more exposed than ever.
He takes a step towards me, stopping just before his lips reach mine. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I want nothing more than to explore every inch of you, bury my face between your thighs, and enjoy each curve of your body. But that’s not all I want. It’s not merely about the physical part, and you know it. If this was only about sex, we would’ve fucked each other years ago and dealt with the consequences. But we both know it’s more than that.Thatis what truly terrifies you.”
I watch as he takes a step back. He’s right and wrong in so many ways, but all I can think is why would he do this now? Right when we have to be around each other and get through this wedding as civilized as possible. “Why tonight? Why now? You’re a selfish bastard. You knew what memories would get to me, and you used them on the way here. I don’t want anything from you. I meant it then, and I mean it now. Because you’re nothing but a selfish, self-centered bastard who should find someone else to get off with.” Jealousy isn’t a fun feeling either, but I can’t let him see that the thought of him with someone else has that effect on me.
His demeanor shifts, but it’s only for his self-assurance to strengthen as he says, “And you’re still a liar.”
Not waiting for a response, he turns and steps through the doorway, shutting the door behind him. And I’ve never been so grateful because he’s right. I am a liar. But it’s out of self-preservation. I learned years ago the only way to survive Ben Sawyer is to stay as far away from him as possible.
