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Erma sat a tub of her famous potato salad on the picnic table, amongst all the other comfort food, and said, “Why don’t we do a cooking tutorial? I hear those are really popular on screen.”
“The term is online,” corrected her daughter, Mary-Lou.
Erma stiffened. “You can’t stay if all you’re going to do is correct me and boo-hoo my ideas.”
Mary-Lou’s hands went up in defense. “Hey, I’m just here for the food and comic relief.”
Bernadette stepped out from the side door with a tray of sweet tea and a soft smile on her face. She was shy by nature, and Birdie was having a hard time rationalizing Bernadette spending time with the outspoken, mature, alpha females of the community.
Nevertheless, she couldn’t help but inwardly smile as Pinkie said something to Bernadette that made her giggle. One lady with graying corn rows and the other with whitish gray pin curls, laughing with their heads together like schoolgirls with a secret.
Willa Mae interrupted the moment to ask Pinkie, “Okay, so, why did we shave off our va-jay-jay hair again? I thought that was in preparation of the video.”
Bernadette smiled and stepped to the side as Pinkie answered her, “That was a creative exercise. To get everyone thinking outside the box.”
Willa Mae grumbled, “All that did for my box was make me itch and scratch like I had a UTI.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” Pinkie scoffed.
“I’m perfectly serious, I was this close to taking a two-by-four, covering it with sandpaper and going to town on it. Never in my life.”
One of the other women piped up, saying, “George took one look at me down there and told me my vagina was like a little girl’s and he weren’t no pedo.”
Pinkie growled, “First of all, George is a moron. Second, Birdie made it clear that women today shave their hoohaws. Now, do we want to be old ladies one fall away from being admitted to the Wayward Assisted Living Facility, or women who trim their hoohaws and therefore trending?” Before allowing anyone to respond she said, “Let’s move past old news and discuss current events.”
Mary-Lou raised her eyebrows at Birdie, who sat next to her at one end of the picnic tables. “So you’re the person responsible for my mama nicking herself in her nether regions?”
“Maybe? I’m not sure to be honest,” Birdie said with a sigh. “During bingo night, Pinkie delivered a moving monologue on aging and asked some cryptic questions. I answered them, and before I knew it, I was giving a tutorial on how to shave the bikini area, and then some, at a dining room table with eight women over the age of seventy staring at my crotch and following along.”
“So, basically, a typical evening in Wayward.” Mary-Lou chuckled.
Upon arriving to Bernadette’s and seeing Mary-Lou, Birdie thought about telling Angus to turn around before being spotted, claiming she had a flat tire and was unable to attend.
Mary-Lou Jeffries had been one-time best friends with Maisie. She remembered them having a falling out and Mary-Lou becoming public enemy number two, second only to Birdie. But still, she wasn’t prepared to answer questions regarding her sister.
That was a hard stop for her.
Back in the day, the thought of rubbing elbows with Mary-Lou was unheard of. She was mean, spiteful, and when on friendly terms with her sister, followed Maisie around as if on a leash.
So it was understandable as to why she tried to steer clear of the woman.
Of course, it was her luck that Mary-Lou sat right next to her at the table after making herself a plate. But so far, she had been cordial and now they were sharing an inside joke.
Would wonders never cease?
Cora Leigh, grabbing one of the sweet teas from the tray Bernadette set on the table suggested they create videos on gardening. “I need to harvest my yellow onions soon, maybe that could serve as our debut video?”
Pinkie dropped her head in her palm and popped out of her seat. Which was quite the feat considering the age and state of her knees. “We are not going to make old lady videos. We’re going to make avant-garde TikTaks. TikTaks where we’re fighting against the patriarchy. Questioning laws that discriminate against women over seventy and proving we can still be sexual beings as well as contributors to society,” she said, her eyes roving around the yard.
Erma asked, “What laws discriminate against women over seventy?”
Pinkie thought a moment. “I’m not sure offhand, but I’m sure we’ll find them, and you know why?”
The women shook their heads, puzzled, but captivated, nonetheless.
“Because we’re dogged and multi-talented,” she added with the countenance of a current day Joan of Arc. “Women of a certain age who refuse to be relegated as observers of other people’s lives but demand to be regaled as masters of our own.”
Birdie’s eyes grew. “You do know these TikTaks… I mean TikToks, are super short? This isn’t going to be like some comprehensive documentary. People don’t have the attention span for a minute-long TikTok let alone a surging saga bent on fighting the patriarchy.”
