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“I missed her so much, Reyna. I still do.”
I know he’s talking about his mother. I keep my mouth shut, hoping he will continue talking of his own accord. He does.
“He started studying necromancy the month after she died. At the time, I didn’t know exactly what he was doing, only that he would bring her back and that I could never tell anyone, or else she would never return.
“The following year, he forgot to lock the door to the cellar. I followed him inside and I saw... I saw him bring a corpse back to life.” He grits his teeth. “A human corpse.”
I say nothing, barely able to breathe.
“It looked human, but it was closer to a wild, starved animal. My father only realized I was watching when the corpse rolled off the table and charged toward the dark pillar I crouched behind.
“My father incinerated it before it reached me. With the way it screamed, I thought all of Nolderan would hear. I was only ten and didn’t understand necromancy was forbidden, but I knew what he had done was wrong. And yet...”
Arluin inhales sharply, his nostrils flaring with the force, and he finally opens his eyes. My entire body is frozen, my face included.
“I asked him if I could help. If he brought back my mother, I didn’t want her to be like that corpse. He explained to me that wraiths are the most sentient of undead, as the soul is left intact when they are created, whereas the souls of ghouls and wights are fragmented.
“He was aiming to bring her back as a wraith and have her possess her body. Normally undead rot, but if the magic is powerful enough, then they will not. Since my mother was buried in a crystal coffin like all magi, her body would still be intact. The problem he faced was that her soul was long gone, having dispersed into aether upon her death. With his experiments, he was trying to reconstruct the souls of those already long dead.
“He first taught me how to raise ghouls by reanimating dead rats. Did you know, Reyna, that the first spell I ever cast was that of dark magic? Not aether. I learned forbidden magic before I learned ordinary magic. And I didn’t just practice on rats, either. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I fear that dead, gray eyes will gaze back at me.”
Then he falls silent. He stares up at me. I know he expects an answer, but I can offer him none.
He lowers his eyes, looking at the blankets around us rather than me. “Do you hate me now, Reyna? Now that you know what I’ve done? What I truly am?”
Maybe I should hate him, maybe I should fear him. But I feel neither and that’s what scares me.
What he has told me... If my father knew, he would be exiled just like Heston. And my father was lenient with banishment. The punishment for practicing dark magic is death.
I wish Arluin had confessed none of this. Because now I don’t know how I will face my father. I should immediately report all of this to him. Keeping Arluin’s secret means betraying my father—betraying Nolderan. But I can’t break Arluin’s trust. I can’t bear to see him exiled.
Or executed.
In that instant, I know my choice.
I rest my head on the pillow beside him. Arluin doesn’t move. He stares at the ceiling.
“I don’t hate you,” I finally manage, my voice but a breath. He doesn’t turn to look at me.
“You should,” he insists. “I’m a monster.”
“If you’re a monster, then you’ll be my monster.”
That gets him to turn and face me. There’s a tortured look in his magenta eyes. I reassure myself that if he were still practicing necromancy, they would not glow with such a vivid hue of aether.
I take his hand once more and hold it against my cheek. “You were young, Arly. You can’t be blamed for any of it. This is your father’s fault, not yours, and he has already been punished for it.”
He hangs his head and whispers, “Is it wrong of me to miss him?”
I sit up again and wrap my arms around him. “He’s your father,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder. “The two of you are bound by blood. All that he has done doesn’t change that. It’s natural for you to miss him.”
Arluin is still at first. Then his fingers find my hair, and he toys with the ends, lost in thought. I wish I could banish his demons, but other than by hugging him, I do not know how.
“Reyna,” he says after a moment, “will you still marry me, despiteeverything?”
“Of course I will,” I reply, kissing his cheek. “I promise I will still marry you, no matter what.”
Seven
