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I want to scream and pull her hair. But I don’t move. Instead, I can’t stop the sad smile I give her. “Careful, you keep this attitude up, and no one will love you.” I pause, wishing I could take back those words. Tomorrow, I’ll apologize.
“Just remember—the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall,” she says, walking away, dismissing me like I’m an annoying bug. I love and hate my sister like only family can. No matter what, I’ll always have her back.
I head into our family’s mansion, nodding to the guard on duty. Ours is warring with another mafia family. These are uncertain times, and I try not to think too hard about it. The thought scares me. I worry about the safety of the people I love. They mean everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without them.
Our house smells of fresh bread and garlic. My mother cooks more often when she’s concerned, and she’s been wearing her nursing apron—the one she puts on when she needs to stitch people up.
I stand in the middle of our house. I watch some of my father’s men walk in, heading toward his office. They greet me with a nod. My body is anxious, needing to do something. My fingers fidget with each other. I could go in and cook with my mother. Each week for the last year, I’ve been practicing cooking a new family recipe. I want to cook well for Alfonso when we get married. It’s the best way to show your love. My eyes dart toward the kitchen, considering the thought, but I don’t want the company.
Going through the house, I walk out to our outdoor pool and go on to the green space behind it. I begin with stretching before I do my old high school tumbling routine. Running, I do a round-off, going into a back walkover. I focus on my body, leaving my stress behind. When I twist my body, I feel free. I control how I move. I’m in control of everything when I’m tumbling.
My body twists in the air with an aerial, landing perfectly. I slip down into the splits before I stretch my body to the ground. My brow is damp, and I’m breathing hard by this time.
Clapping has me lifting my head. Alfonso walks toward me with a soft smile. “We need to take a walk.” His tone is serious, and he’s trying hard to mask it with his smile.
My body trembles, my limbs tired and sore. Each muscle fights, not wanting to get up. It’s almost as if they know something I don’t. The hot perspiration that dampened my skin turns cold.
Alfonso is towering over me, his hand out toward me. If I take his hand, we will never be the same. I can feel it deep in my bones.
“Please,” he mumbles.
I try to swallow the lump in my throat. I’m parched, and it feels impossible. My feet move together, and I reach my hand out to his. He pulls me up and doesn’t kiss me like he normally does. I fight hard to stop my body from shaking and unclasp our hands. He leads us toward my mother’s garden. It has high green walls, allowing for privacy.
When we reach it, Alfonso paces, worrying me further.
“Gia, I will always take care of you. You have been my best friend since we were in diapers.”
My hand rubs at the goose bumps peppering my arms. My lips are trembling, waiting for his next words. I watch his face; he’s looking as handsome as ever. He glances at me, and my heart hurts for him. I would do anything to make him happy.
“I have never lied when I said I love you.”
My eyes glisten, and I give a sad smile. Alfonso is my world. I want that life with him. I want to ask questions, but as soon as I open my mouth, I’ll start crying. Inhaling a deep breath, I try to be strong, wanting him to tell me what’s on his mind. I don’t want him to think of my feelings.
He blows out a breath. He stops in front of me, his hands coming to my shoulders before he removes them.
“I…,” he starts, but his words fall short.
My body shakes uncontrollably.
“I… I’ve been keeping a secret.”
My stomach sinks.
He’s running his hands through his hair as he fights to get what he wants to say out. I’ve never seen unshed tears in his eyes before.
“If you still want to marry me, Gia, I’ll marry you. Know I’ll take the blame if you don’t, but I will have to marry someone someday.”
“What are you so scared to tell me?” I ask, tears running down my face.
He visibly swallows. “I’m not attracted to girls how I ‘should’ be.” He doesn’t have to say anymore. I know. It’s like everything clicks into place. He tries to continue, “You know how this lifestyle is….” His eyes are pleading with me to understand, unsure how I’m going to react to the news that the man I’m to marry can never love me in the same way I love him.
Being different isn’t allowed in the mafia. Being gay is unheard of. Everyone is straight—or so they claim. I fear what they might do if anyone found out.
“You can’t love me how I love you,” I state.
He nods, wrapping his arms around me. “I’ve never been unfaithful to you, Gia. I just want permission to live my life.”
“How are you going to do that?” I sniffle. My heart is breaking for the two of us. Alfonso will be forced to live a secret life, while the future I planned for is gone.
